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A cash strapped hit-woman, must confront the demons of her past, while juggling the bone crunching world of professional hits and the guardianship of her deceased sisters kids.
Agreed with the above comments. All I can add is that the MC's description could be better, what flaw could she have? What is her journey to become a better version of herself?
Agreed with the above comments.
All I can add is that the MC’s description could be better, what flaw could she have? What is her journey to become a better version of herself?
See lessWhen a strange new man enters his irresponsible mother’s life, and his father returns from rehab, a teenage boy’s life is rocked to its core as he deals with a traumatic and violent event in his past and coming to terms with his complicated sexuality.
Agreed with DPG and Richiev. Also, as a rule of thumb, best to avoid non descriptive terminology such as; "...life is rocked to its core..." and "...coming to terms with...". These kind of descriptions don't mean much in terms of plot specific events, it's far better to use clearly defined characterRead more
Agreed with DPG and Richiev.
Also, as a rule of thumb, best to avoid non descriptive terminology such as; “…life is rocked to its core…” and “…coming to terms with…”. These kind of descriptions don’t mean much in terms of plot specific events, it’s far better to use clearly defined characters and events to describe the details of a plot.
See lessA 18 years young guy, who lost his college camera ,which he need to submit in college next day, A camera which has a legacy & his short film. How he got back his camera back
English may not be the mother tongue in this case, but it's still worth while dedicating a little more time on the sentence construct to make the logline read better than it is - check out Richiev's post.Agreed with DPG, the stakes seem underwhelming. In addition, the inciting incident needs specifyRead more
English may not be the mother tongue in this case, but it’s still worth while dedicating a little more time on the sentence construct to make the logline read better than it is – check out Richiev’s post.
Agreed with DPG, the stakes seem underwhelming.
In addition, the inciting incident needs specifying – what event caused him to lose the camera? Was it a drinking competition? A brawl in a pub?
Lastly the age is not critical to the plot and can be cut from the logline.
It may be useful for you to check out the formula tab on the top bar.
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