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The hunter becomes the hunted when a woman lures her abusive husband into a death trap. (Short Script, 7pages)
"...The hunter becomes the hunted..." while poetic, can be cut - it doesn't describe a plot.As Dkpough1 said, you need to describe the detail which makes up the plot otherwise, the logline is a vague description of a generic revenge story.
“…The hunter becomes the hunted…” while poetic, can be cut – it doesn’t describe a plot.
As Dkpough1 said, you need to describe the detail which makes up the plot otherwise, the logline is a vague description of a generic revenge story.
See lessWhen his vibrant friend turns seriously ill during a road trip, and anxious recluse must get her home through a strange and threatening world.
I find road movies the hardest to logline as the goal is essentially the main action in act 2 - once they're on the road what more could they NEED to achieve? If you look at my favorite road movie Thelma and Louise, they gave the main characters a clear goal that came about as a result of the road tRead more
I find road movies the hardest to logline as the goal is essentially the main action in act 2 – once they’re on the road what more could they NEED to achieve?
If you look at my favorite road movie Thelma and Louise, they gave the main characters a clear goal that came about as a result of the road trip. Because they went on the trip one of them had to commit murder, their goal then shifts from freedom from their social commitments to freedom from the law. In essence, their goal remains the same – freedom, but the stakes are higher and the manifestation of the goal changes – they want to make it across the boarder.
What is the equivalent for this main character? I think to get the sick friend back dilutes the power of the action if the terminally ill friend wants to make the most of every moment traveling back home would not be in their best interest. What if you give her an aspiration to die on the highest mountain in the US or THE WORLD! I know it doesn’t make much sense but the principle still stands – a concrete achievable, yet difficult, goal.
What if the friend is Muslim and she wants to visit Mecca at least once before she dies, or Buddhist and must visit a temple in Nepal, or an artist and must visit the Louvre, etc…
See lessAfter being framed for assault, an indigenous basketballer from the Australian outback, must prove himself innocent before his scholarship to play for a college in the USA expires.
I would raise the stakes as they are not high enough (in my opinion) as it is written now. Firstly, best you specify a person whom would generally be considered as someone facing greater challenges than most people, in other words, a person of a minority background. I suggest you make the characterRead more
I would raise the stakes as they are not high enough (in my opinion) as it is written now. Firstly, best you specify a person whom would generally be considered as someone facing greater challenges than most people, in other words, a person of a minority background. I suggest you make the character Aboriginal Australian, this will describe the main character as an Australian without needing to specify it and it will assign him a degree of social handicap (whether true or not is irrelevant – it’s the perception that matters most). This is his one chance to get a better life…
The other way you could raise the stakes is by making the crime a more severe one such as murder, and changing it so he already has the scholarship – if the deadline is for him to make it to the college by a certain date or forfeit the scholarship there’s more for him to lose.
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