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A depressed widow has to to give up her daughter for adoption to have a second chance at love.
What is the widow's goal? Does she want a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife? Whatever it is, the goal needs to be described in more detail than "...a second chance at love...". This sounds like a girl meets boy story, only the girl is a single mother. If this is correct then the inciting incideRead more
What is the widow’s goal?
Does she want a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife?
Whatever it is, the goal needs to be described in more detail than “…a second chance at love…”.
This sounds like a girl meets boy story, only the girl is a single mother. If this is correct then the inciting incident would be her meeting her new love and it needs to be described in the logline.
Her obstacle is her daughter and it sounds like a good strong obstacle, however, I find that if she chooses the new love over her daughter she would lose my empathy and likely most of the audience as well. Is there another obstacle you could give her instead?
See lessIt?s the tail-end of the hair band era, but four friends from Jersey don?t know that yet, and their band is riding the wave of a surprise hit single. All that stands between them and their dreams of gold and platinum are a cross-country road-trip to L.A., strange venues, hostile audiences, and a label suit with an axe to grind, hellbent on seeing them fail.
This logline is longer but lacks the same as it's predecessors - inciting incident, clear stakes and a clear goal. What one event motivates them to have to take action? What have they got to lose if they fail? What does gold or platinum mean? A record that goes gold or platinum? Is that feasible? WoRead more
This logline is longer but lacks the same as it’s predecessors – inciting incident, clear stakes and a clear goal.
What one event motivates them to have to take action?
What have they got to lose if they fail?
What does gold or platinum mean? A record that goes gold or platinum? Is that feasible? Would they not need to be a big enough name band for that to happen? Are there not many other objectives on their way before gold and or platinum albums?
If the audiences are hostile why would they go see the band in the first place?
Best to shorten a logline to include only the crucial components of the plot, anything else will be extraneous.
See lessAfter aliens attack a process is created that bestow superpowers to soldiers but at the cost of giving them a four-year lifespan. When an enhanced man learns of a new pending offensive and a secret that may end the war forever he must fight his way back from behind enemy lines or humanity will fall.
The first sentence in the logline can be cut, it's not a part of the plot and only describes the back story. That could perhaps make for a good origin story but should not cloud the current plot. Secondly, consistency in your descriptions is important, if he is a soldier then describe him as such thRead more
The first sentence in the logline can be cut, it’s not a part of the plot and only describes the back story. That could perhaps make for a good origin story but should not cloud the current plot.
Secondly, consistency in your descriptions is important, if he is a soldier then describe him as such throughout. I also find the description “…doomsday device…” funny, it’s something I’d expect Austen Powers to go after. Can you be more specific with the weapon’s description? Perhaps a biochemical toxin or a pandemic causing something or other.
For example:
See lessAfter discovering an alien pandemic causing weapon threatening humanity an enhanced soldier must destroy it before the process that gave him his powers kills him.