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A snide vigilante with a super-elastic body is pestered by a reporter who insists that she fight against an emerging evil that is determined to conquer the world.
Agreed with DPG. I'll add that there are a lot of elements described in the one logline and many adjectives used, together they make for a confusing read. Best to simplify the logline so it describes the premise in such a way that the characteristics are clear from the actions and events. For examplRead more
Agreed with DPG.
I’ll add that there are a lot of elements described in the one logline and many adjectives used, together they make for a confusing read. Best to simplify the logline so it describes the premise in such a way that the characteristics are clear from the actions and events.
For example, the description “…righteous super-heroine…” can do without the righteous part – she’s a super-hero. “…before merciless gangs destroy their entire city.” doesn’t need the word “…merciless…” if they’re going to destroy the city they are merciless. Instead, you could describe what kind of gang they are – drug runners, organized criminals, bikers, street thugs, but it probably isn’t necessary.
See lessIt?s the tail-end of the hair band era, but four friends from Jersey don?t know that yet, and their band is riding the wave of a surprise hit single. All that stands between them and their dreams of gold and platinum are a cross-country road-trip to L.A., strange venues, hostile audiences, and a label suit with an axe to grind, hellbent on seeing them fail.
Also, just a follow-up thought I think the description of hair band era is vague. I get that you mean bands with long hair but it may not be clear for most readers I think best you change it. The other thought I had was you would be better off specifying a single protagonist in the band, it would heRead more
Also, just a follow-up thought I think the description of hair band era is vague. I get that you mean bands with long hair but it may not be clear for most readers I think best you change it. The other thought I had was you would be better off specifying a single protagonist in the band, it would help focus the story and sharpen the plot.
See less?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
Revenge is redundant - the gang want the drugs back and their motives are clear enough already. The girlfriend and dog can be cut as they add little, if at all, to the plot. The story in as of itself seems a bit confusing, I'm referring to the logline alone not considering the explanation. Why was tRead more
Revenge is redundant – the gang want the drugs back and their motives are clear enough already.
The girlfriend and dog can be cut as they add little, if at all, to the plot. The story in as of itself seems a bit confusing, I’m referring to the logline alone not considering the explanation.
See lessWhy was the cop forced to steal a truck with drugs?
Why are the drugs deadly? Wouldn’t the drug dealers want their customers to stay alive and addicted to their product?
What is his goal? “…somehow survive the night…” is vague, does he need to drive the truck over to the nearest police station? If so specify it.