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The last draft of the logline is even more cryptic than the first - there are too many unclear elements lacking a cause and effect. Use a different description to "...literary gifted..." - most people don't know what that means, it seems to have little if no impact on the plot and isn't an understanRead more
The last draft of the logline is even more cryptic than the first – there are too many unclear elements lacking a cause and effect.
Use a different description to “…literary gifted…” – most people don’t know what that means, it seems to have little if no impact on the plot and isn’t an understandable flaw that indicates an inner journey for the MC.
Give him a different inciting incident, or describe it in clear terms – escalating someone’s perception of a recovery is vague most people reading this would have no idea what it means.
Give him a different course of action or describe it in another way. How does he channel a fictional character? This is unclear? Is the MC a fictional character? Does he live in a fictional universe?
How does finding his identity connect to any of the elements described in the concept? Is there a different more concrete goal you can give the MC to achieve?
See lessWhen an agoraphobic online student meets his soulmate, he gets a job at a bar to face his fear in public, only to find out that his love is a pop star.
There is a problem in giving him the ability to wander off at night - his phobia is minor.? If he is an agoraphobe best make it full blown, otherwise it is a mere inconvenience as appose to a genuine obstacle. In A Beautiful Mind - Russell Crowe's character's mental condition is so severe that he haRead more
There is a problem in giving him the ability to wander off at night – his phobia is minor.? If he is an agoraphobe best make it full blown, otherwise it is a mere inconvenience as appose to a genuine obstacle.
In A Beautiful Mind – Russell Crowe’s character’s mental condition is so severe that he hallucinates over several years people and conspiracies which coincide with reality to the point that he can’t distinguish between them.
In Rain Man – Dustin Hofman’s character’s condition isolates him from reality to the point that he is incapable of caring for himself on his own.
In Matchstick Men – Nicholas Cage’s character’s condition causes him to fall into crippling fits that disable him altogether.
If you look back through the lineage of MCs with mental conditions, they are all ‘full-on’ problems. The conditions make it so the characters are always on the brink, and all it takes is one thing to be out of place for a disaster to happen. However, in the case of your character, he can walk out at night and work in a bar. For an agoraphobe, I’d say he’s doing just fine and mostly over the problem, especially in New York – a city that never sleeps.
Again, I’m not sure you can rationalise these conflicting issues as they present a few fundamental logic flaws. If you are genuinely interested in writing a story about a character with a severe mental condition, and specifically an agoraphobe, perhaps there is a more logical obstacle rich premise you could put him or her in?
See lesswhen a freedom believer incites his tribe to be free , he gets caught by another one to be bought as a slave .
It reads as if the inciting incident is him being captured, this means that his rebellion with his own tribe is backstory and can be cut from the logline.? This will free up words to describe his actions, which are currently missing in the logline - how will he free himself from slavery? For exampleRead more
It reads as if the inciting incident is him being captured, this means that his rebellion with his own tribe is backstory and can be cut from the logline.? This will free up words to describe his actions, which are currently missing in the logline – how will he free himself from slavery?
For example:
See lessAfter a freedom fighter is caught by an opposing tribe, he must incite a new rebellion amongst his captures in order to avoid being sold into slavery.