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Nia wakes after dying in an unknown realm, and learns she must uncover how she died. Being partnered with a man who won?t even talk to her, she must work with new allies and overcome hardships with her partner in order to save them all from the crumbling leadership threatening their existence.
Agreed with DPG.This logline is even longer than the last, but describes an equally small amount of detail. Please remember, without details a logline is a vague statement - the opposite of what it should be.Here are some examples of what I mean:- "...Nia..." - no need to mention character names inRead more
Agreed with DPG.
This logline is even longer than the last, but describes an equally small amount of detail. Please remember, without details a logline is a vague statement – the opposite of what it should be.
Here are some examples of what I mean:
– “…Nia…” – no need to mention character names in a logline (unless a historical or biopic story).
– The MC dying is the inciting incident, you need to describe whether or not this was accidental or on purpose – did she kill herself? Was she murdered? Did she die of sickness? I suggest it was a murder for this to be a more significant out of the ordinary event for her.
– “…learns she must uncover…” – How does she learn? What happens to her that makes her NEED to do this?
– the mysterious man is an ally, it isn’t necessary to describe him in the logline unless he is VITAL to the plot – he doesn’t seem to be vital from the logline.
– “…overcome hardships…” is a generic description of what all good MCs do in all good stories. WHAT ARE THE HARDSHIPS IN YOUR STORY? Describe the main one in detail?
– “…crumbling leadership…” – what does this mean? Is there a dictator in the afterlife? Are there demons threatening to drag them all to hell? What SPECIFICALLY is at stake?
I think there is also a problem with causality. The causal connection between the inciting incident – her death, and her goal – either finding out the truth or helping the other spirits, needs to be made clear.
See lessTo find peace in herself, a girl must learn the ways of this new world and discover how she arrived. Those closest to her are the main suspects, and they will create hurdles to overcome.
What DPG wrote. Furthermore, in most good stories there will be "...hurdles to overcome..." generic descriptions such as this contribute nothing in a logline. It's the particular details of what the hurdles are and how the character chooses to overcome them, that will make your story interesting. ItRead more
What DPG wrote.
Furthermore, in most good stories there will be “…hurdles to overcome…” generic descriptions such as this contribute nothing in a logline. It’s the particular details of what the hurdles are and how the character chooses to overcome them, that will make your story interesting. It’s in the specifics of your story that a reader will get hooked.
As mentioned above, check out the ‘Training’ tab on the top bar for more information about logline conventions.
See lessOne man’s limitations of faith is challenged when his career, church and whakawhanaungatanga diminishes his true identity. He must awaken his spiritual connection through Christianity.
This is confusing. Who is the story about? Pick one main character, their inciting incident and goal then focus the logline on those details. For more information check out the 'Training' tab on the top bar.
This is confusing.
Who is the story about? Pick one main character, their inciting incident and goal then focus the logline on those details.
For more information check out the ‘Training’ tab on the top bar.
See less