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When the wildest gunslinger in the west is wanted dead, an underemployed ranch-hand sets out to capture him alive for the biggest cash reward.
Agreed with the above comments. All I can add is that you've set your MC a challange, but havn't explained how he will overcome it. IS he a former gun-slinger himself? A former expert sniper? Give him some form of advantage to aid him in his task. This way you can set him on a collision course withRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
All I can add is that you’ve set your MC a challange, but havn’t explained how he will overcome it. IS he a former gun-slinger himself? A former expert sniper? Give him some form of advantage to aid him in his task. This way you can set him on a collision course with a worthy adversary.
See lessWhen a commando is waken from a coma, he learns that he’s mostly machine and his kids have been kidnapped by a powerful warlord.
"...Criticism helps creative people get better at their craft. Even non-creative people can get better with criticism. But especially storytellers and other creatives. Are you just going to ignore any audience/critic reviews? Constructive criticism is a necessary part to growth?."Agreed with DkpoughRead more
“…Criticism helps creative people get better at their craft. Even non-creative people can get better with criticism. But especially storytellers and other creatives. Are you just going to ignore any audience/critic reviews? Constructive criticism is a necessary part to growth?.”
Agreed with Dkpough1, Tony’s advise is sound and helpful.
You describe the inciting incident of the film – kids being kidnapped, but it should come at the beginning of a logline. It’s the Mc’s reaction to this event that makes the story interesting. In other words, the Mc’s?goal and action to achieving the goal need to be made clear in the logline, and both are missing in the current draft.
See lessWhen their doppelg?ngers skip-out on a caf? bill, an elegant Man and Woman sift through notebooks and dust impressions to determine who will pay.
Hi SouthWestSusie You can post your loglines in any genre?they fit in regardless the classes you're attending. If you wish to revise an existing logline, follow DPG's explanation above. However, if you feel as though you've significantly changed a logline and or it has fallen too far back in older pRead more
Hi SouthWestSusie
You can post your loglines in any genre?they fit in regardless the classes you’re attending. If you wish to revise an existing logline, follow DPG’s explanation above. However, if you feel as though you’ve significantly changed a logline and or it has fallen too far back in older pages then you can post it in a new thread.
We only ask that you not post the same logline a fresh in a new thread with each change you make – the idea is then more people can see how it progressed and learn from it.
As for this logline.
The plot is unclear; who are the couple that run out on the bill? Who are the elegant man and woman? How does their sifting through note books have any impact on the cafe bill? What is at stake?
There are too many questions raised in this logline, and as a result it causes confusion instead of intrigue.
See lessThink of a logline as a linear description of the major events in a story:
A significant event motivates a flawed main character to take action in order to achieve a compelling goal.