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A repentant terrorist decided to erase his memory and start over new life, but soon he was chased by his past
Why would the audience care about a terrorist? He is a criminal and a killer, I believe empathy will be your biggest problem in this concept. It's fine for someone to change their mind about their life choices, but if they hurt others in the past they need to pay for their actions - erasing his memoRead more
Why would the audience care about a terrorist? He is a criminal and a killer, I believe empathy will be your biggest problem in this concept.
It’s fine for someone to change their mind about their life choices, but if they hurt others in the past they need to pay for their actions – erasing his memory is an easy, no penalty,? way out.
See lessIf he seeks redemption, what is it he MUST achieve in order to get it? make this his goal and restructure the logline around it.
Faced with his impending death, a middle-aged slacker takes on a series of odd jobs to earn enough money to afford a plot in a prestigious memorial park while trying to make amends with the woman he shouldn’t have let go.
Agreed with the above comments.I also take issue with the fact that you have two goals; 1 - afford a plot. 2 - get the girl. But which do you see as the primary goal of the A plot? That's the one you should focus on and describe.
Agreed with the above comments.
I also take issue with the fact that you have two goals;
See less1 – afford a plot.
2 – get the girl.
But which do you see as the primary goal of the A plot? That’s the one you should focus on and describe.
He lost his friend and his father on the same day, fifteen years later a young man must overcome his inability to accept his loss and protect his friends from the same monster that his pain originates.
This logline lacks detail about the inciting incident and goal, as a result the plot is vague and the descriptions too wordy. While I appreciate colorful language, in this instance bets to stick to conventional logline practice - state the inciting incident, describe the main character and define thRead more
This logline lacks detail about the inciting incident and goal, as a result the plot is vague and the descriptions too wordy. While I appreciate colorful language, in this instance bets to stick to conventional logline practice – state the inciting incident, describe the main character and define the goal.
The big problem I see here is that the friend and father murders happened in the past, if you keep the logline the way it is those murders come across as the inciting incident. However the inciting incident should occur on screen and directly force the main character into action.
What was the event that motivated the main character to NOW MUST take action?
See lessCould the killer have killed another person close to him?
But even then I don’t see how his father’s murder didn’t motivate him originally, why did he wait until the killer returns to take action? His psychological hang ups are not enough, there would have to be more. What if he was in a coma and only woke 15 years later, now the killer has returned and killed his sister – boy is he motivated to kick arse!