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A timid young man must protect his friends and himself when the psychopath who killed his father fifteen years ago escapes from an asylum transfer and sets out on a new murdering spree.
Agreed with Richiev, start with the inciting incident then describe the character and goal. As it stands the story sounds rather plain. It lacks a hook, or element of interest, that will distinguish it from the many other serial killer movies. The character flaw of "?timid?" also sounds rather simplRead more
Agreed with Richiev, start with the inciting incident then describe the character and goal.
As it stands the story sounds rather plain. It lacks a hook, or element of interest, that will distinguish it from the many other serial killer movies.
The character flaw of “?timid?” also sounds rather simple, if not generic, is there anything else you can make him to increase his obstacle?
See lessRevised Logline…A young, bot obsessed girl, from an Australian/ Muslim family is a finalist for a Robotics Competition, but when her volatile, dysfunctional family smash her robot, she must rebuild it and her family to compete in a game that will put her to the ultimate test.
I suggest reverse engineering the goal, motivation and inciting incident, in the current version there still is a lack of causality between them.If her goal is to get the scholarship, what would be a logical obstacle for getting it? The robotics contest, not poverty.What is a logical inciting incideRead more
I suggest reverse engineering the goal, motivation and inciting incident, in the current version there still is a lack of causality between them.
If her goal is to get the scholarship, what would be a logical obstacle for getting it? The robotics contest, not poverty.
What is a logical inciting incident to motivate her to enter the contest? The only thing I can come up with is the contest’s announcement – same as with Charlie in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
If she is poor then the odds are already stacked against her – building a robot isn’t cheap?nor is it easy. Her being a migrant is an added obstacle, but the traditions of her family are not. She has already parted ways with tradition by choosing to enter the contest, therefore these traditions hold very little stake over her and the potential emotional hang-ups her family may have are incidental and need not be mentioned in the logline.
See lessA young man named Abdelhafid who suffers from personality disorder starts a show where he will go on exposing a woman who cheated on her husband , but after one of his personalities expose the case , another personality takes over and starts its own show where they expose the other shows
If your goal is to comment on how cheap run-of-the-mill reality shows exploit people, I believe the premise needs work. As the others have noted, the plot is unclear and the concept vague. However the subject matter can be interesting, try to distill your character and actions down to a clear goal aRead more
If your goal is to comment on how cheap run-of-the-mill reality shows exploit people, I believe the premise needs work.
As the others have noted, the plot is unclear and the concept vague. However the subject matter can be interesting, try to distill your character and actions down to a clear goal and motivation combo.
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