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A young psychic lives a virtual hermit?s life until he sees his own death, he must try to figure out the events that lead to his death in a hope of preventing them.
Why not use the known, trusted, and all too well discussed formula? Inciting event, cinematic action, character then goal. "...A young psychic lives a virtual hermit?s life..." - is redundant to the plot. "...until he sees his own death..." - implies an inciting incident. "...must try to figure outRead more
Why not use the known, trusted, and all too well discussed formula?
Inciting event, cinematic action, character then goal.
“…A young psychic lives a virtual hermit?s life…” – is redundant to the plot.
“…until he sees his own death…” – implies an inciting incident.
“…must try to figure out the events…” – trying isn’t doing and story is action – in other words the MC needs to do something instead of just trying to do it. Further more, figuring out what happened isn’t nearly as cinematic as taking action to stop it.
“…hope of preventing them…” – Everyone hopes for something, but a hero (and a cinematic one at that) must achieve something or at least is motivated to achieve it no matter what – hoping to prevent something sounds tame in comparison to having to achieve a goal.
How about this:
After seeing a vision of [this thing killing him], a hermit must [do this thing] to stop his own premature death.
What or who specifically kills him? And what specifically does he do to save himself?
See lessWhen mutilated animals begin showing up in a small Ohio town and all signs begin to point in an impossible, draconic direction, a new sheriff with something to prove must enlist the help of the high school janitor with a mysterious family past to kill the beast before anyone else gets hurt.
Loglines are best written using specific and brief descriptions. The above could be rewritten as: After a dragon mutilates his pet dog, a newbie sheriff must enlist the help of the school janitor, a descendant of dragon hunters, to save the town. A modern-day knights and dragons story could be interRead more
Loglines are best written using specific and brief descriptions.
The above could be rewritten as:
After a dragon mutilates his pet dog, a newbie sheriff must enlist the help of the school janitor, a descendant of dragon hunters, to save the town.
A modern-day knights and dragons story could be interesting, but it needs to be described with efficiency and clarity.
See lessWhen their father dies, Jackie goes home to clean out the house and her basement dwelling, incel brother.
Agreed with all the above comments. Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar - a logline needs to describe a goal. What is it your character must achieve?
Agreed with all the above comments.
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar – a logline needs to describe a goal.
See lessWhat is it your character must achieve?