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English, please.
English, please.
See lessOkay Mike you have very invaluable suggestions. Here?s another editing. I removed the spiritual identity part, however, it will still be included in the movie itself because that was one area she was being manipulated by. Also the ?deacon? position is important because it?s about the deception of someone high in the church. While his behavior maybe generally unacceptable, it will be a shock in the eyes of the congregation coming from someone who is supposed to be spiritually matured. I can?t seem to get this around 25 words. Urg? A woman raised in an unscrupulous orphanage hopes of happiness were shattered shortly after marrying a highly respected deacon when he suddenly begins to unleash some familiar abuse upon her. She must now muster up the courage to free herself once and for all.
In future, please only paste the logline into your post and any discussion notes in the response fields below. As for the logline, it's too long and at the same time describes too little. For example, "...A woman raised in an unscrupulous orphanage hopes of happiness were shattered shortly after marRead more
In future, please only paste the logline into your post and any discussion notes in the response fields below.
As for the logline, it’s too long and at the same time describes too little. For example, “…A woman raised in an unscrupulous orphanage hopes of happiness were shattered shortly after marrying a highly respected deacon when he suddenly begins to unleash some familiar abuse upon her…” can be cut down to – After her husband abuses her…
It’s not clear what she does and what she wants to achieve. the second sentence in the logline describes her mustering up courage, but the detail you need to describe is what she’s mustering up courage for? What is she going to do?
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar to learn more about logline basics.
See lessWhen financial instability forces him to teach English to immigrants, a heartbroken, over-imaginative New Yorker must help a ragtag bunch of foreigners pass the class or risk losing what little he has left.
Agreed with all the above. Also, the stakes are unclear, or not specific. What does lose what little he has left mean in practical terms? Lose his house? His car? His mind?
Agreed with all the above.
Also, the stakes are unclear, or not specific. What does lose what little he has left mean in practical terms? Lose his house? His car? His mind?
See less