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After his terminally ill and clinically dead bitch of a wife miraculously revives her self, a depressed man must find a way to free himself of his life long commitment.
Yes it does mean married, good note. Guess I wanted to imply that he won't renege on his vow, regardless the option of divorce. How about this revision: After his clinically dead bitch of a wife miraculously revives her self, a depressed man jumps of the roof of a tall hospital to live the rest of hRead more
Yes it does mean married, good note.
Guess I wanted to imply that he won’t renege on his vow, regardless the option of divorce.
How about this revision:
After his clinically dead bitch of a wife miraculously revives her self, a depressed man jumps of the roof of a tall hospital to live the rest of his life free.
See lessIn search of her origins, a confused young woman learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, however not from earth, now she finds herself in a fight to survive against a relentless alien warrior and a greedy corporation after her unique DNA
The concept is confusing and the plot vague,?I also can't see the cause and effect between the events and actions in the logline. The first part of the logline; "...In search of her origins, a orphaned young? women learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, who?s not from earth?" Reads likRead more
The concept is confusing and the plot vague,?I also can’t see the cause and effect between the events and actions in the logline.
The first part of the logline;
“…In search of her origins, a orphaned young? women learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, who?s not from earth?”
Reads like the backstory and should be omitted altogether from the logline.
What sets her off on her journey in the first place? This next part of the logline, kind-of describes an inciting incident ish?:
“…now she finds herself in a fight?”
But it’s not clear what exactly happened that motivate her, what was the event that sparked the story or inciting incident?
Lastly the goal is vague and has no end:
See less“…to survive against a relentless alien Warrior and a greedy corporation?”
The last part of the logline needs to clarify what exactly she must achieve to know, beyond a doubt, that she won the fight against the bad guys and can live happily ever after.
After growing up destitute, a young woman must decide between love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence.
What DPG said. Also, loglines benefit from clarity, not an abundance of detail per say just necessary detail that describes the big plot points. Descriptions such as "...love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence." are vague, as they could be describing many different things most of which are unRead more
What DPG said.
Also, loglines benefit from clarity, not an abundance of detail per say just necessary detail that describes the big plot points. Descriptions such as “…love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence.” are vague, as they could be describing many different things most of which are unrelated to the story. Point is be specific -?if?”…love?” means marring the man or woman she loves, and “?opulence?” means marrying a rich person she doesn’t love, then write that she must choose between marrying for either true love or riches.
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