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A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mob boss in a hit and run and must escape or be killed.
It would help if he wasn't responsible for the mob boss' death, this way he could be thrown into the situation with a better inciting incident. Right now the inciting incident is of his own doing, and normally it's better to have the inciting incident happen to the main character out of his or her cRead more
It would help if he wasn’t responsible for the mob boss’ death, this way he could be thrown into the situation with a better inciting incident. Right now the inciting incident is of his own doing, and normally it’s better to have the inciting incident happen to the main character out of his or her control.
See lessWhat if he is framed for the murder by a rival syndicate? This way his goal can be to prove his innocent to the, draconian law governed, mafia world.
When an attention seeking YouTube prankster is scammed by a car salesman he enlists the salesman?s captivating assistant to help seek compensation but her unorthodox methods and pranking involvement becomes creepy.
The logline doesn't describe a clear goal for the protagonist, what does "...he ventures into a world vengeful trickery and unimagined violence?" mean? What will it look like? Secondly I don't think the assistant has any relevance in the last draft of the logline. She is either one of the obstaclesRead more
The logline doesn’t describe a clear goal for the protagonist, what does “…he ventures into a world vengeful trickery and unimagined violence?” mean? What will it look like?
Secondly I don’t think the assistant has any relevance in the last draft of the logline. She is either one of the obstacles the main character will face or a strange ally, either way cut her out and clear up the goal description. I still fail to see the stakes in the concept, a prankster gets scammed is no biggi and him seeking revenge comes across as a negative goal so if he does;t achieve it also no biggi.
See lessWhat will happen should he fail to successfully exact his revenge?
When execs threaten to cancel his show by season’s end, a hopeless paranormal investigator invites a clueless celebrity cast for the final episode to restore interest in his show.
Agree with Karel. What if the hopeless paranormal investigator and his guest celebrity get stuck in a haunted house with a killer ghost. That's an inciting incident that creates a high stakes situation, and demands that these under qualified clowns take action. I can see how that could make for a prRead more
Agree with Karel.
What if the hopeless paranormal investigator and his guest celebrity get stuck in a haunted house with a killer ghost. That’s an inciting incident that creates a high stakes situation, and demands that these under qualified clowns take action. I can see how that could make for a pretty good comedy premise, it could be a genre cross over between comedy and paranormal.
See lessNot sure if that’s the story you want to tell, but just a thought on how to use the same subject matter.