1. Posted: June 7, 2016In:

    When a timeworn pro-wrestler is demoted to a developmental program, he begins an affair with his boss?s daughter to salvage his otherwise flourishing career.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The concept in this logline isn't clear. What is a timeworn pro-wrestler? I'm not clear on that description, is there a better one you can use for the main character? It is also un clear what a developmental program is and who would demote the wrestler to it? What specifically is his goal? How willRead more

    The concept in this logline isn’t clear.

    What is a timeworn pro-wrestler? I’m not clear on that description, is there a better one you can use for the main character?

    It is also un clear what a developmental program is and who would demote the wrestler to it?

    What specifically is his goal? How will he salvage his career?

    The connection between his demotion and him starting an affair is tenuous, one?does not?motivate him to do the other.

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  2. Posted: June 7, 2016In:

    When her billionaire grandfather refuses to pay her ransom, heiress Billie Ross recruits her kidnapper to rob the family?s casino

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    This concept is very similar to Ruthless People, only instead of a husband refusing to pay it's a grandfather, I'm not sure how you'll be able to create?enough of a difference to call this an original concept but that's a different matter. As with many of your other posts, it seems as if the basic rRead more

    This concept is very similar to Ruthless People, only instead of a husband refusing to pay it’s a grandfather, I’m not sure how you’ll be able to create?enough of a difference to call this an original concept but that’s a different matter.

    As with many of your other posts, it seems as if the basic recommended construct of a logline is not being observed. I suggest you consult with the Training tab on the top bar for further information, but in the meantime here are a few points.

    No need to name the main character unless it is a biopic or historic genre.

    If the inciting incident is the refusal to pay the ransom, robing the family casino is not a logical goal. There is little cause and effect between the two, except for greed, that logically motivates her to need to rob the casino as a result of the refusal. I suggest further developing the plot and coming up with a few other options?for the main character to pursue. Think what else could she possibly do that will come about as a result of her inciting incident.

    Secondly, could the kidnapping be the inciting incident instead of the refusal to pay the ransom? Unless she planned the kidnaping it’s a far greater event than the grandfather refusing to pay the ransom.

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  3. Posted: June 7, 2016In:

    When their marriage falls apart, Greek Gods Hera and Zeus battle each other on Earth for control of Mount Olympus

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Which one of these is the main character? Either pick one of the gods and tell the story through his or her eyes or add a third character, it could work as a god v god but it needs a main point of view character. In The War of the Roses it's the lawyer (Danny DeVitto) who tells the story and it's hiRead more

    Which one of these is the main character?

    Either pick one of the gods and tell the story through his or her eyes or add a third character, it could work as a god v god but it needs a main point of view character. In The War of the Roses it’s the lawyer (Danny DeVitto) who tells the story and it’s his point of view through which the story is experienced.
    Is there a son, daughter or mortal that could be the whiteness for this epic battle?

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