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When a college student falls in love with wakeboarding while preparing to win the Women?s World Amateur Golf Tournament, she must decide whether to pursue a future of money and stability, or passion and uncertainty.
Good re draft of the logline, but no need to mention the character's name and the first clause is too long of a description for the inciting incident. After the women's division is canceled in the Pro Wakeboard Tour, a young competitor must enlist the help of the previous Wakeboarding champion to trRead more
Good re draft of the logline, but no need to mention the character’s name and the first clause is too long of a description for the inciting incident.
After the women’s division is canceled in the Pro Wakeboard Tour, a young competitor must enlist the help of the previous Wakeboarding champion to train her to win the men’s division.
See lessInflicted with PTSD from a young age, a mute street performer is abandoned by his troupe as France becomes occupied by the Nazi Wehrmacht. Faced with the choice to escape to neutral Switzerland or fight, he joins the French Resistance as a code-breaker and infiltrates the Nazi regime. His tactics shift when he learns what?s happening to the countless civilians going missing.
It sounds as if the concept is still being shaped and I believe the re drafts of this logline can help you identify how best to do so.The latest draft of the logline doesn't describe a clear enough event that motivates the main character ?to take a specific action. It specifies him being abandon, buRead more
It sounds as if the concept is still being shaped and I believe the re drafts of this logline can help you identify how best to do so.
The latest draft of the logline doesn’t describe a clear enough event that motivates the main character ?to take a specific action. It specifies him being abandon, but why does that necessarily mean he MUST overcome his PTSD and MUST join the resistance and MUST end the Nazi’s war crimes?
In other words, there is a lack of causality between the events. Consider Inglorious Bastards as a recently successful WW2 film:
After a SS officer buthcers her family in front of her eyes, a scared young Jewish Woman escapes and plans her revenge to kill the highest ranking Nazi officers in the Third Riech.
The cause and effect is clear and the goal compelling.
Here is me trying to do the same with your concept as an example:
After a?Nazi officer kills his troupe, a mute Gipsy street performer suffering from PTSD must join the Resistance to find and kill the Nazi officer.
I made him a Gipsy as they were round up by the Nazi’s and shipped off to camps as well so his obstacle is greater, and this helps provide a reason for the killing initially.
See lessWhen a guy finds the courage for a routine procedure that goes wrong, he must fight inner demons or become another unwilling donor in a human chop shop.
Agreed with Richieve. You may want to check out the Training tab on the top bar for more details on logline best practice.
Agreed with Richieve.
You may want to check out the Training tab on the top bar for more details on logline best practice.
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