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A web of tragic events unfold when a love-starved atomic scientist allows herself to be seduced by a personable but moody lesbian teen whom she suspects of being a spy.
The plot in this logline is vague on account of there being no goal description.The MC is a scientist who fell for a girl, now she needs to do...In addition, the lolgine is too wordy and mentions the inciting incident at the end - suspects her of being a spy, best to mention this closer to the startRead more
The plot in this logline is vague on account of there being no goal description.
The MC is a scientist who fell for a girl, now she needs to do…
In addition, the lolgine is too wordy and mentions the inciting incident at the end – suspects her of being a spy, best to mention this closer to the start.
After she suspects her new lover of being a spy an atomic scientist must?
Laslty is this set during the cold war or in modern day? I ask as if this is set in modern times the location would have great implications on the stakes – what country would spy on her?
See lessWhen a college student falls in love with wakeboarding while preparing to win the Women?s World Amateur Golf Tournament, she must decide whether to pursue a future of money and stability, or passion and uncertainty.
This concept has come along way through the logline re drafts in this thread. The last draft, in my mind, seems to lack a cause and effect between the inciting incident - getting banned from women's golf, and the goal - bring back a women's division to the pro wakeboard tour. One does not logicallyRead more
This concept has come along way through the logline re drafts in this thread.
The last draft, in my mind, seems to lack a cause and effect between the inciting incident – getting banned from women’s golf, and the goal – bring back a women’s division to the pro wakeboard tour.
One does not logically motivate the other. If how ever she were to try and help a young talent up the ranks in golf the connection is made, or conversely if she were to have been banned from wake boarding the connection will also be made.
On a second note, you specified that she wants to “…bring back?” the division, this implies that there was a women’s division and then it was taken away or canceled. What if the inciting incident is just that? She was a pro wakeboarder and the woman’s division was canceled, now she must take action to bring it back or else she will not be able to compete.
See lessAfter a failed stint as a professional motorcycle racer, a middle aged man, on the verge of losing everything, takes to the streets and races his way up the street racing ladder.
The latest draft of the logline seems rather bland on account of the stakes being mundane and not personal. If he loses his house he'll be sad but will survive, he'll get a job elsewhere and find a place to rent - no biggi. If however, he has kids or other dependants his actions will impact them andRead more
The latest draft of the logline seems rather bland on account of the stakes being mundane and not personal. If he loses his house he’ll be sad but will survive, he’ll get a job elsewhere and find a place to rent – no biggi. If however, he has kids or other dependants his actions will impact them and consequently?increase the stakes.
Think of Will Smith’s character in The Pursuit of Happiness, if it were not for his boy the film wouldn’t have been as dramatic as it was.
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