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When a 16-year-old delinquent in a Tibetan refugee camp is recognized by the Dalai Lama as a reincarnated spritual leader, he finds himself a stranger in his own life.
I think mentioning the title of Dalai Lama is important to establish the magnitude of his importance. Also finding one self in a new life or feeling a stranger in his own life, isn't a goal it's the inciting incident. Now as a result of his new life what must he do? It's the way in which he handlesRead more
I think mentioning the title of Dalai Lama is important to establish the magnitude of his importance.
Also finding one self in a new life or feeling a stranger in his own life, isn’t a goal it’s the inciting incident.
See lessNow as a result of his new life what must he do? It’s the way in which he handles himself and what he does that the audience want to see.
A drunken priest joins forces with a theater director to create a new religion, pushing his successful Church Of Bingo into battle with all denominations for disciples.
Agreed with Dkpough1, the stakes are not clear. Further more, is the priest drunk just on the day they decide to set up a new religion or all the time? And why a theatre director? What would come of these two collaborating that would make them interesting?
Agreed with Dkpough1, the stakes are not clear.
Further more, is the priest drunk just on the day they decide to set up a new religion or all the time? And why a theatre director? What would come of these two collaborating that would make them interesting?
See lessIn a world where most jobs have been taken over by AI’s, a drug addicted private investigator is hired to help an android detective solve a murder case that threatens the very foundations of society.
Agreed with the above, the vague and generic descriptions work agains the logline. Also as in most good detective stories, best to engineer a personal stake for the MC and use that as the inciting incident. Otherwise getting hired to do another job is not an inciting incident, it's his usual day-to-Read more
Agreed with the above, the vague and generic descriptions work agains the logline.
Also as in most good detective stories, best to engineer a personal stake for the MC and use that as the inciting incident. Otherwise getting hired to do another job is not an inciting incident, it’s his usual day-to-day.
Considering the world you have (advanced technologies, AI and what ever else you have in it) what is truly out of the ordinary for this particular PI?
See lessMake that his inciting incident.