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When a wildly out of control teenager is kicked out of home, he escapes to LA with a mission to be famous only to be sucked into a vortex of crystal meth addiction, gay porn and prostitution but when he nearly dies from an overdose he undergoes a gruelling rehabilitation program in Bali with the only chance he has left to save his life.
Agreed with the above, as noted on the previous drafts of this logline, there are too many plot elements mentioned and too many descriptions used.Another major problem with this logline is in the concept. I still can't?see (after the many iterations) a logical connection, or in other words a motivatRead more
Agreed with the above, as noted on the previous drafts of this logline, there are too many plot elements mentioned and too many descriptions used.
Another major problem with this logline is in the concept. I still can’t?see (after the many iterations) a logical connection, or in other words a motivating element, in the inciting incident. How does getting kicked out of his parent’s house motivate him to have to become a porn star/famous person or to travel to Bali to save his own life. Drug addiction, yes I get it, but that does not have a direct causality with the inciting incident, rather it’s another obstacle on his way and likely not in act 1.
If for example his goal would be to prove to his parent or father that he can be successful without their help, and to achieve this he decides to “make it in LA” then the connection is made. However in this instance I would find this character both naive
and silly.
I think you have an interesting character with many flaws – drug addiction, alcohol addiction, low self esteem and a lack of focus in life.
See lessBest if you were to break the concept down to its bare essentials – how does this flawed character logically get motivated to do what?
The true story of how King George VI overcame his humiliating stammer to rally the English people in the dark days of World War II.
Hi DPG I agree, the name mention in this instance is important. I think however that the inciting incident is important in this case as it did come as a surprise to the MC and essentially "shook" his world. I.e: After his brother abdicated, king George VI must over come his stutter to deliver the moRead more
Hi DPG I agree, the name mention in this instance is important.
I think however that the inciting incident is important in this case as it did come as a surprise to the MC and essentially “shook” his world.
I.e:
See lessAfter his brother abdicated, king George VI must over come his stutter to deliver the most important speech in British history on the outbreak of WW2.
After accepting the reality of being raped by a woman, a reformed demigod assassin tries to deal with his depression by getting back into the business of hunting people who bear the Chimera Mark.
The concept in this logline is composed of too many unrelated events, odd descriptions and vague plot elements, for example; Being raped doesn't necessarily, in most people's minds, make the victim want to become an assassin or become one again. According to what most people think a demigod is, it iRead more
The concept in this logline is composed of too many unrelated events, odd descriptions and vague plot elements, for example;
Being raped doesn’t necessarily, in most people’s minds, make the victim want to become an assassin or become one again.
According to what most people think a demigod is, it is hard to conceive of one being raped and made a victim.
Finding new meaning is not a visual, objective and outer goal for a main character, it could be an inner goal but a logline needs to focus on the outer journey that drives the plot i.e the outer goal.
In short I think this concept has many logic flaws, and?to make sense of the story it require too much explaining?for a logline. Your explanations above essentially call for the reader to stretch their imagination to make up for what the logline can’t deliver on, this is not recommended and usually indicative of a flawed concept.
Even if the logline is for a book, the core plot should still be able to fit with in the paradigm of a logline – a story is a story regardless the medium after all.
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