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A young couple doesn’t attach much importance to their failing relationship until a gang commits a violent takeover of America and it parts them completely!
In case it hasn't been made clear already, the idea of a gang taking over America doesn't work - no rewording will make it work. I strongly suggest you rethink the very basic premise at hand. Instead of a gang, make it an invading force and preferably one that's believably capable of taking over oneRead more
In case it hasn’t been made clear already, the idea of a gang taking over America doesn’t work – no rewording will make it work. I strongly suggest you rethink the very basic premise at hand. Instead of a gang, make it an invading force and preferably one that’s believably capable of taking over one of the largest and most powerful nations in the world.
As for the stakes, how in any concievable form, does war compare to a relationship? It just doesn’t. Therefore their little relationship thing will pale in comparison to the threat of all-out war.
See lessAfter being traumatised by domestic violence, a young teenage boy is taken on a therapy camping trip by his mother and sister to disrupt his paranoid thoughts about his father before he falls further into madness.
Richiev's suggestion is very good. Change the main character to the mother - she seems to be the most proactive character of them all. The stakes are high (her son's sanity) and she could also feel guilty for having not done something sooner. She's a complex character with lots to achieve and big obRead more
Richiev’s suggestion is very good. Change the main character to the mother – she seems to be the most proactive character of them all. The stakes are high (her son’s sanity) and she could also feel guilty for having not done something sooner. She’s a complex character with lots to achieve and big obstacles in her way.
See lessAfter a failed ritual to resurrect their mother severely damages their bodies, two young alchemists search for the mythical Philosopher’s Stone to restore themselves.
Best to avoid the IMDB blurbs altogether, these are often taglines and could very well be written by fans, not professionals. As a whole, your logline reads well, but the one issue is that they cause the inciting incident to affect themselves. A rule of thumb worth remembering is that most of the beRead more
Best to avoid the IMDB blurbs altogether, these are often taglines and could very well be written by fans, not professionals.
As a whole, your logline reads well, but the one issue is that they cause the inciting incident to affect themselves. A rule of thumb worth remembering is that most of the best inciting incidents are done to, not by, the main character. Also, their goal would be to find, not search for the stone.
So, it might read better (and may have worked better in the series) if the logline would be written as:
See lessAfter a being disfigured by a resurrection ritual, two brother alchemists must find the mythical philosopher’s stone to restore themselves.