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Presumed killed during a fierce storm, an astronaut left on Mars must survive with meager resources and no communication with earth until the next mission to the planet — in 4 years.
I think the story was let down by not taking on the MC's point of view and it shows in the logline. I would find this more interesting: After left stranded on Mars by his crew, an astronaut must survive with what meager resources he has until the next Mars mission in 4 years time.
I think the story was let down by not taking on the MC’s point of view and it shows in the logline.
I would find this more interesting:
See lessAfter left stranded on Mars by his crew, an astronaut must survive with what meager resources he has until the next Mars mission in 4 years time.
WHEN A YOUNG SKATER IS THREATENED WITH EVICTION, HE TURNS TO HIS RAG TAG GROUP OF FRIENDS TO HELP HIM PULL OFF A YUPPIE HEIST TO END THEM ALL. (CA$H)
As mentioned "...to end all heists..." is a generic description that lacks detail and therefor works against the logline. No need for all caps either by the way. The main character being threatened with eviction is a bit of a trope and not high stakes enough. Many characters in films to date have beRead more
As mentioned “…to end all heists…” is a generic description that lacks detail and therefor works against the logline.
No need for all caps either by the way.
The main character being threatened with eviction is a bit of a trope and not high stakes enough. Many characters in films to date have been evicted (not just threatened) and have lost much more before being motivated to take action. Is there a more significant event you could devise to motivate the MC into doing something?
See lessRadical insurgent falls in love with an American hostage and as his ideology falters he must orchestrate her escape before his kingpin brother masterminds a major terrorist plot that implicates and kills them both.
Agreed with the above. You have two stories in your logline - a love story and a thriller, which is the A plot and which is the B plot? Best to re structure the logline (see DPG's suggestions) to emphasize the A plot.
Agreed with the above.
You have two stories in your logline – a love story and a thriller, which is the A plot and which is the B plot?
Best to re structure the logline (see DPG’s suggestions) to emphasize the A plot.
See less