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A retired undefeated boxing champion William leads a simple life after losing all his money and a former boxing champion Michael insults him in a live press conference which leads the battle between their sons as they become rivals. The outcome of the battle leads Michael to challenge William to fight him in the ring and he accepts it.
The wording in this logline is confusing. "...the outcome of the battle between them leads their fathers to fight in the ring." Who's father's the boxing champion's or the boxing champion's children? Secondly using the description 'heir' in a logline comes across as an attempt to increase the stakesRead more
The wording in this logline is confusing.
“…the outcome of the battle between them leads their fathers to fight in the ring.”
Who’s father’s the boxing champion’s or the boxing champion’s children?
Secondly using the description ‘heir’ in a logline comes across as an attempt to increase the stakes via the use of semantics alone and therefore the stakes are very low. Heir suggests that the characters are meant to inherit a large estate or control over a land. As the boxers are still alive and well, their kids won’t get anything for a long time and at most they will get their fathers money after they die. Point is using heir is redundant best to chaneg it to their children, kids, sons or daughters.
It isn’t clear who the main character is, it could be the boxing champ that insults or the boxing champ that is being insulted. The logline doesn’t describe a main character and specific goal, without a plot it’s difficult to tell what the story.
See lessANALYZE FISH-A greedy shrink Dolphin tries to let a depressed Shark crime boss commit suicide and blame a rival crime family.
The wording is confusing - if he tries to let the shark do something he can just allow him to do it, no need to try and let him.Secondly what does he stand to gain from the patients suicide?And why make it about marine animals and not people on land? I believe the concept can work as a live action cRead more
The wording is confusing – if he tries to let the shark do something he can just allow him to do it, no need to try and let him.
Secondly what does he stand to gain from the patients suicide?
And why make it about marine animals and not people on land? I believe the concept can work as a live action comedy about a human psychiatrist and human patient.
Perhaps better to change it to:
See lessAfter a greedy psychiatrist is offered millions of dollars by a mobster he must encourage his patient a depressed rival crime boss to commit suicide.
When a young man is found out for desiring his older brother’s beautiful wife, he must go on a journey into the past to discover the cost of possessing a forbidden prize.
I didn't realise this was in the classics, sorry my previous post is inaccurate.
I didn’t realise this was in the classics, sorry my previous post is inaccurate.
See less