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Years after her family is murdered by a vicious career criminal, a lonely young woman embarks on helping two London detectives catch a hooded vigilante, killing the men of the very same man who destroyed her life. But when the hood comes down, will they like what’s revealed?
Agreed with DPG and Kbfilmworks. Also if her family's murder is what motivates her to take action it is in essence her inciting incident, but as this is described to be in the past it may not work as well as it needs to. In other words the wounds of grief from her family's death have had time to heaRead more
Agreed with DPG and Kbfilmworks.
Also if her family’s murder is what motivates her to take action it is in essence her inciting incident, but as this is described to be in the past it may not work as well as it needs to.
In other words the wounds of grief from her family’s death have had time to heal and therefore the impact of the trauma is diluted. In addition to that, in a story the immediacy of the action the main character takes can add a sense of urgency, but if the inciting incident and her action are separated by a few years this effect is lost.
Point is why not kill her family at the start of the story and directly before she sets off on her journey?
See lessA father?s poor decision causes a tragic event that haunts his son?s every move, leading him to a life of drugs and solitude.
The amount of detail suggested above is as a result of the logline not fulfilling its purpose yet. Think of it as the very bare bones of your story all the rest of the detail could be gleaned from. The main character's goal should come about as a result of the inciting incident, and remain connectedRead more
The amount of detail suggested above is as a result of the logline not fulfilling its purpose yet.
Think of it as the very bare bones of your story all the rest of the detail could be gleaned from.
The main character’s goal should come about as a result of the inciting incident, and remain connected to it via a clear cause and effect relationship.
Here is an example:
If the inciting incident is his father killing the family, I don’t see the cause and effect that brings about him caring for a dog. I do, however, see the cause and effect of him wanting to put the father in jail to prevent him from killing (accidentally or on purpose) again.
This way it is clear enough to the reader what the main character’s action in the story will be – hunt down the fleeing criminal, and what the motivation is behind it.
See lessWhen a recluse programmer is coerced into camping and survives a Werewolf attack, he must find a cure and escape the sadistic poachers hunting him.
The main character being coerced is not important to the plot and can be cut from the logline, what is important is the Werewolf attack. This describes the genre and gets the story started. Here is my try: After a reclusive programmer survives a Werewolf attack, he must find a cure as he escapes theRead more
The main character being coerced is not important to the plot and can be cut from the logline, what is important is the Werewolf attack.
This describes the genre and gets the story started.
Here is my try:
See lessAfter a reclusive programmer survives a Werewolf attack, he must find a cure as he escapes the sadistic Werewolf hunters chasing him.