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After the heir to a local business dies, a scumbag photojournalist must cover the tragedy for his big break until the case becomes a homocide and his own grandfather tries to persuade him to help him frame the competitor for the murder.
This is a very confusing sentence on several levels. The main character is the scumbag photojournalist, but why MUST he cover the tragedy? He can refuse an assignment; whats the worst that will happen? He'll get another one. Therefore it's not that he must cover the tragedy rather he simply covers iRead more
This is a very confusing sentence on several levels.
The main character is the scumbag photojournalist, but why MUST he cover the tragedy? He can refuse an assignment; whats the worst that will happen? He’ll get another one. Therefore it’s not that he must cover the tragedy rather he simply covers it as? part of his job.
How does covering the death of a mostly unknown local person provide him his big break? If it were a senator or some other powerful person there would be merit to this claim, otherwise it doesn’t make sense.
“…until the case becomes a homocide…” I’m sure you meant – homicide. Until it became a homicide, could be read that once the police change the cause of death to murder he will be assigned to a different story. Or do you mean that after the case was changed to homicide, his grandfather tries to persuade him? Punctuation or re wording could help with the specific meaning you’re trying to convey.
As far as plot goes it is unclear what the story will be about. Is the inciting incident the police changing the case to homicide or the grandfather asking for help to frame someone else?
What is his goal? Is it to catch the killer? Is it to help the grandfather?
Why his grandfather? In what way and why, does the man’s grandfather hold such a strong influence over him for it to be (as McKee would say) a story worthy problem?
Lastly if he is a scumbag photojournalist, why would the read/audience car about him? What is his redeeming quality that will make it worth their while investing emotionally in this man’s story?
See lessSon of an Indian couple – who deeply believes in Gandhian ideals of nonviolence, accidentally kills a powerful man to protect his father. While the family on run, the son and father fiercely stands against each other?s way to fight out the enemy.
What DPG said. The reasons for taking action and the goals are un clear. In the next draft best to focus on a single conflict son v bad guy and the specific details of that struggle, than elaborate on the tensions in the family.
What DPG said.
The reasons for taking action and the goals are un clear.
In the next draft best to focus on a single conflict son v bad guy and the specific details of that struggle, than elaborate on the tensions in the family.
See lessIn a futuristic Utopian city, built up in the sky, no form of institution like religion, nationality, marriage exists. It is strictly illegal for any couple to stay together for more than 3 months. A young couple almost end of their 3 months tenure found it impossible to part away and decided to flee down back to the old earth, a place only existed in their history books and which nobody has traveled from the city for last two centuries.
Yes these details should, nay MUST, be in the logline. The main characters need a strong inciting incident to motivate them to pursue a clear goal. Secondly, if indeed there will be a revolution will the couple lead it together? This would be a good and ambitious goal for them to pursue it also giveRead more
Yes these details should, nay MUST, be in the logline.
The main characters need a strong inciting incident to motivate them to pursue a clear goal.
Secondly, if indeed there will be a revolution will the couple lead it together? This would be a good and ambitious goal for them to pursue it also gives them a a nobler cause to fight for the greater good than there own self interest.
See less