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an abandoned boy will have changed destination after knowing their new parents. After being having a normal life things will change and it is because of these things he will become a super hero.
As mentioned above the logline lacks detail and uses generic statements that fail to describe a plot. Try to re draft the logline so it outlines who the main character is, what his inciting incident is and what his goal is. Lastly: GRAMMAR.
As mentioned above the logline lacks detail and uses generic statements that fail to describe a plot.
Try to re draft the logline so it outlines who the main character is, what his inciting incident is and what his goal is.
Lastly:
GRAMMAR.
See lessIn a futuristic Utopian city, built up in the sky, no form of institution like religion, nationality, marriage exists. It is strictly illegal for any couple to stay together for more than 3 months. A young couple almost end of their 3 months tenure found it impossible to part away and decided to flee down back to the old earth, a place only existed in their history books and which nobody has traveled from the city for last two centuries.
Agreed with Andrew.Also presuming that the couple knew of the three month limit it is no news to them that they must part, therefore I don't believe you currently have an inciting incident. In addition, the goal of escaping the city is not specific enough. Would they not be hunted down after their eRead more
Agreed with Andrew.
Also presuming that the couple knew of the three month limit it is no news to them that they must part, therefore I don’t believe you currently have an inciting incident. In addition, the goal of escaping the city is not specific enough. Would they not be hunted down after their escape?
See lessAs such the plot is a bit vague, best to specify their sudden motivation to defy society rules as well as a clear safe heaven for them to escape to.
An entrepreneurial high schooler begins selling sex toys to neighborhood parents to raise money for a car but when his kid sister is diagnosed with cancer, he turns it into a fundraising campaign – with an increasing number of his classmates – to pay for her treatments.
Agreed with DPG the basic logic that holds the premise together is weak. Perhaps he sets up a sex toy web site and it becomes very successful instead of him going around the neighborhood and selling door to door.? Otherwise you could set it in the 80s or 90s and avoid the internet issue, but then thRead more
Agreed with DPG the basic logic that holds the premise together is weak.
Perhaps he sets up a sex toy web site and it becomes very successful instead of him going around the neighborhood and selling door to door.? Otherwise you could set it in the 80s or 90s and avoid the internet issue, but then the other problem is that sex toys are not expendable products. What I mean is presumably a customer would buy only one sex toy once every few months and so his market would not be big enough to sustain sales for big profits.
Lastly better if his sister getting cancer is used as the inciting incident in the first place, and that motivates him to take action.
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