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When an insecure screenwriter writing a screenplay about Al Capone is captured by Capone himself, he must escape the gangster’s clutches before he is tortured into writing a screenplay he hates and shot in the head.
The basic premise comes across as comical so it definitely is working as a logline, however I believe it can be improved on. Firstly why is the main character a screenwriter? If there is no particular reason I would change him to a journalist writing a story for a news paper, it is a medium with a mRead more
The basic premise comes across as comical so it definitely is working as a logline, however I believe it can be improved on.
Firstly why is the main character a screenwriter? If there is no particular reason I would change him to a journalist writing a story for a news paper, it is a medium with a much faster turn around and it can be reacted to by other writers and or news papers.
The inciting incident would be Al Capon capturing him not him starting to write, therefore best to make this clear and put it at the start (like Richiev suggested).
Lastly when dealing with Al Capon the stakes are pretty clear, so no need to mention them.
Here is a re worked version of Richiev’s suggestion:
See lessAfter he?s kidnapped by Al Capone and made to write the worst screenplay in history which glorifies the gangster, a screenwriter must fake his own death in order to escape.
A young aspiring photographer gets a chance of a lifetime for his work to be shown in a prestigious gallery in Chicago, but is interrupted when his brother, the heir of their family farm, dies unexpectedly leaving their ailing grandfather to try to find a new caretaker before the competitors try to buy off all of their land.
This describes a situation but not a plot.What is the main character's goal? And what is his inciting incident?I think the problem in this logline is with the concept.? There have been several iterations of the same logline, but none have yet described a dramatic enough situation and compelling enouRead more
This describes a situation but not a plot.
What is the main character’s goal? And what is his inciting incident?
I think the problem in this logline is with the concept.? There have been several iterations of the same logline, but none have yet described a dramatic enough situation and compelling enough action for a film.
See lessThe stakes are just too low. Best to focus on designing a clear goal with high stakes.
Rio, a waitress in a small Texas town, graduated high school last week, survived being burned alive yesterday and today discovered the reason why. She is descended from Quetzalcoatl, Aztec god of Light and Knowledge and their bloodline has been hunted by rival god, Tezcatlipoca, Aztec god of War and his descendants for millennia. After learning more about her lineage, Rio decides to take the fight to the enemy and make the hunters the prey.
The importance of an item of detail in a logline comes from its relation to other details. What I mean is that there needs to be a clear cause and effect relationship between all the elements you include in your logline. The latest draft of the logline mentions many things but describes very little.Read more
The importance of an item of detail in a logline comes from its relation to other details.
What I mean is that there needs to be a clear cause and effect relationship between all the elements you include in your logline. The latest draft of the logline mentions many things but describes very little.
When writing a logline I always ask; do all the descriptions and details comply with the following:
They did this because of that.
Therefore Richiev’s question, why is she doing what she is doing?
Essentially the following is the only sentence in the latest draft of the logline that describes a plot:
After learning more about her lineage, – [BECAUSE OF THIS SHE MUST DO]
Rio decides to take the fight to the enemy and make the hunters the prey.? – [THAT]
However the? connection which motivates her to take action is not clear and in addition there is nothing about the story that makes it personal. Also there is no specific detail mentioned so it isn’t clear what happened to her and what exactly she is going to do.
Here is an example of the cause and effect I mean:
See lessAfter an evil Aztec god burns their house down and kills her fiance,? a librarian discovers her Aztec god roots and must go on the hunt to decapitate the evil god and stop him from killing again.