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After a car crash leaves him unable to walk and dying of thirst, an inventor and his physically-disabled cousin must traverse the harsh Australian desert using only her electric wheelchair.
Don't worry about length at this point. 30 words is ideal but not a must, if the story needs a few more words to come across in the logline, then let it be so unless of course a company or contest specify a 25 word limit. Other wise I'd endeavor to say you're still writing the script, if so this isRead more
Don’t worry about length at this point.
30 words is ideal but not a must, if the story needs a few more words to come across in the logline, then let it be so unless of course a company or contest specify a 25 word limit.
Other wise I’d endeavor to say you’re still writing the script, if so this is a structuring tool for you in which case there is no word count limit.
See lessAfter surviving a brutal attack, Rio Madrid, a young Latina living in a small, Texas border town, discovers she is a direct descendant of Aztec gods and becomes the target of supernatural enemies who have been hunting down her bloodline, one by one, throughout time.
No need to mention the main character's name, unless the concept is a biopic or historical document. The inciting incident is mentioned only about half way through the logline "...becomes the target of supernatural enemies..." best to bring it in earlier. This will free up some word space and allowRead more
No need to mention the main character’s name, unless the concept is a biopic or historical document.
The inciting incident is mentioned only about half way through the logline “…becomes the target of supernatural enemies…” best to bring it in earlier. This will free up some word space and allow for a better antagonist description, the antagonists sound too vague for the threat to come across. There have been many stories about heroes fighting supernatural enemies, what is it about these enemies that will make this story stand apart? Also the type of supernatural will define the genre, are these ghosts, demonic monsters, evil super humans or zombies?
Secondly the main character is described as a rather passive character, she becomes the target but what does she do then? Obviously she will fight, so best to word the logline in a way that will aid the reader understand the action nature of the story. Most importantly the logline lacks a goal, define the objective need of the main character without this the plot is vague.
See lessIn a small town in Iowa, a young man?s dreams of becoming a photographer are paused when the heir of the family farm, his older brother, dies unexpectedly provoking his narcissistic grandfather to look to him to continue the legacy before he passes away.
This logline seams to describe the first half of a first act. The grandfather looks to the main character for help, but then what? What does the main character actually do? And what does he actually need to achieve? Secondly in its many iterations this concept has yet to describe a logical connectioRead more
This logline seams to describe the first half of a first act. The grandfather looks to the main character for help, but then what? What does the main character actually do? And what does he actually need to achieve?
Secondly in its many iterations this concept has yet to describe a logical connection between the setting, the goal and provide a reasonable stakes level. The dramatic need (to become a photographer) doesn’t seam to match up with the obstacle (mean and selfish grandfather), as the MC can theoretically just do what he wants to do. It feels like the dilemma of choosing between creative aspirations? and an old man’s selfish needs, is more of a B plot in a rom-com than the A plot of a drama film, because the stakes are just not high enough to justify a story worthy problem.
Secondly the chances of someone becoming a world class photographer are so small, it seams like the grandfather would be smart enough to know that after a few years of poverty and frustration the MC will likely come back to run the farm.
I think the story elements do not make up a strong enough dramatic situation that will sustain a film, the writers work is to devise a premise that does just that, and not re word the logline using the same elements. Here are a few suggestion to help you change the concept:
WHAT IF?
The main character dreams of being a professional photographer and took some photos of his dying mother, brother or father on the farm and submitted them to a photographic competition the prize of which is a solo show of his work in the world’s most highly regarded photo gallery in Paris. The main character wins and is offered his own show, which will launch his career as a photographer. But his grandfather, his only remaining family member, is ashamed of the photos and doesn’t want him to exhibit the work. Now the main character has a dilemma and must chose between loosing his grandfather or his dream career.
This dramatizes the first act and adds a cause and effect relationship, now you need a goal to pursue as a result. You could choose wining the competition as an inciting incident and devise a goal that fits or add in an additional plot such as the bank threatens to foreclose on the farm, so the main character must save the farm and at the same time as he must choose between family and career.
Once you have the most compelling goal and inciting incident in place re draft the logline to reflect how they interact and the main character’s action will play out in the story.
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