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Kole Owen is a second generation champion wrestler who after his father’s death discovers his father’s whole other family; a new sister and a bi-racial autistic toddler half brother.
What DPG said.The story starts after the discovery, so what is it he does once he finds out about the other half?Secondly the character description is too long best to shorten it to; A wrestler. His father's wrestling achievements and even his own are mostly irrelevant to the logline, what is relevaRead more
What DPG said.
The story starts after the discovery, so what is it he does once he finds out about the other half?
Secondly the character description is too long best to shorten it to; A wrestler. His father’s wrestling achievements and even his own are mostly irrelevant to the logline, what is relevant is his job and flaw descriptions. We know he is a wrestler but now what is his major character flaw? As this is a family drama the action would be limited and the setting quite contained. The main character’s inner journey can help make this a compelling story, so him overcoming his flaw will add an element of interest.
See lessSuccesful lawer from Moscaw is obsessed with an american porn star, all attemts to meet her in person fail untill a brilliant idea comes to his mind to press charges against her.
This logline describes the first act of a story but little else. It also lacks a definitive starting point or inciting incident. If he is obsessed with the porn star then he could have started his obsession years before, why then only now does he do something about it? Is there an event that motivatRead more
This logline describes the first act of a story but little else.
It also lacks a definitive starting point or inciting incident. If he is obsessed with the porn star then he could have started his obsession years before, why then only now does he do something about it?
Is there an event that motivates him to get in touch with her? If so best to include it in the logline.
Secondly, and more importantly, what does he want to achieve? The logline states he will press charges against her, but to what end? If he is really obsessed with her then does he really think this will help him get close to her? If so he is some what delusional or else there is an ulterior motive undisclosed in the current draft of the logline.
See lessA single career woman takes in her distant relative, a child Holocaust survivor, in post- war Sydney. As each others’ only family left alive, they must form a new life together but secrets and long-buried betrayals threaten to finish the work the Nazis started.
I don't agree with DPG on the merits of this as a holocaust story, yes there have been many films and books written about the subject but this doesn't seam to be one. The logline specifically states post WW2 Sydney, the main characters are an Australian woman and her young relative a holocaust surviRead more
I don’t agree with DPG on the merits of this as a holocaust story, yes there have been many films and books written about the subject but this doesn’t seam to be one.
The logline specifically states post WW2 Sydney, the main characters are an Australian woman and her young relative a holocaust survivor. The story seams to deal with post traumatic stress and the psychology of a grieving person as appose to the survival of the holocaust. Further more wile there may be an indication that the family in question is Jewish, there was no mention of it which means they could be black, gypsies or related to homosexuals all victims of the holocaust.
I think the big problems with this logline are the lack of clearly defined major plot elements. What must she do after the child is given to her? What will be the main action she takes in the film?
See lessSecondly, to what end or in other words what is her goal?