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A commitment-phobic Florida man falls for an aspiring TV journalist but before she leaves town for a promotion, he plants himself at the center of an increasing number of peculiar news stories for a chance to win her heart.
As Richiev said this has the potential for a great comedy idea, however the basic logic governing the concept could be a problem. If he is at the center of peculiar news stories, why would that attract the journalist? Secondly if the news stories he is targeting had already occurred, how cold he makRead more
As Richiev said this has the potential for a great comedy idea, however the basic logic governing the concept could be a problem.
If he is at the center of peculiar news stories, why would that attract the journalist? Secondly if the news stories he is targeting had already occurred, how cold he make himself a subsequent party to the events in retrospect? Or better yet if the story hadn’t taken place yet, then how does he know which news stories the journalist will be given as assignments or which events will turn into legit news stories all together?
Perhaps best to simplify the concept and make it so he targets only one story she is covering, to that matter make it a rather innocuous incident to start off with but then turns into a? major media event as the story develops.
See lessStill living with mother, a 45 year old psychotherapist that uses a dubious flogging therapy struggles to make his own life proposing to his client, a young and rich business woman.
Agreed with DPG.Some great suggestions made above, I'd add that perhaps the stakes could be made even higher if the two characters would already be married.What if they are both entrenched deep in married life? Mortgage, kids, white picket fence and all, yet both are depressed. An unfortunate realitRead more
Agreed with DPG.
Some great suggestions made above, I’d add that perhaps the stakes could be made even higher if the two characters would already be married.
What if they are both entrenched deep in married life? Mortgage, kids, white picket fence and all, yet both are depressed. An unfortunate reality for many people and possibly a sticking point for audience empathy, this could strike a cored with viewers around the world.
Sure make the main characters suicidal, but if they are family people then their actions will affect other characters in the story not just them selves and in doing so the stakes rise significantly.
When “normal” every day folk enjoy a good flogging and the subsequent sparks of passion, then the stakes will also rise for the audience as they see themselves in the story.
See lessParanoid and close to breaking a drug addicted army medic must survive a plot to get him killed after he discusses a friendly fire cover up.
There are too many? "we don't know" or "it could be real or not" moments in your explanation of the story. As you are obviously still structuring the basic plot, try to simplify it in a logline paradigm and ignore the paranoia tendencies at this stage. Main character is: The army medic. MC flaw is:Read more
There are too many? “we don’t know” or “it could be real or not” moments in your explanation of the story.
As you are obviously still structuring the basic plot, try to simplify it in a logline paradigm and ignore the paranoia tendencies at this stage.
Main character is:
The army medic.
MC flaw is:
Drug addiction.
Inciting incident could be:
1 – Death of his fellow soldiers.
or
2 – His discovery of the friendly-fire cover up.
or
3 – An attempt on his life.
His obstacle is:
The bad officers in his regiment.
His goal could be:
1 – To kill the assassins.
or
2 – To kill his commanding officer.
or
3 – To bring the bad officers before a court martial.
I suggest you pick one inciting incident and a goal and re draft the logline with those.
See less