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Paranoid and close to breaking a drug addicted army medic must survive a plot to get him killed after he discusses a friendly fire cover up.
The bare elements in this logline sound interesting and the inner journey is clear, I'm just not clear on the plot though. Is the discovery of the cover-up the inciting incident? If so mention it sooner. And what is his goal? What does he need to achieve as a result? Surviving is one thing but whatRead more
The bare elements in this logline sound interesting and the inner journey is clear, I’m just not clear on the plot though.
Is the discovery of the cover-up the inciting incident? If so mention it sooner.
And what is his goal? What does he need to achieve as a result? Surviving is one thing but what is the one thing he must do to know that he is no longer in danger? Without this the story won’t end and he will keep “surviving” for the rest of his life.
See lessPerhaps he needs to kill the assassins before they kill him, or he must kill his former commanding officer.
After being inspired by his late mother?s photographic work, a caring young man wants to leave the family farm he has grown up in to fully pursue his photos being shown in a gallery, but his narcissistic and manipulative grandfather tries victimize himself and guilt his grandson into staying in order to keep the farming legacy.
The dilemma presented in this logline seams to lack stakes. If his grandfather is "...narcissistic and manipulative..." then he is a bad person, why would the main character (and audience to that matter) care about the implications to the grandfather? The MC should just do what he wants and disregarRead more
The dilemma presented in this logline seams to lack stakes. If his grandfather is “…narcissistic and manipulative…” then he is a bad person, why would the main character (and audience to that matter) care about the implications to the grandfather? The MC should just do what he wants and disregard the grandfather.
Secondly the logline is too long and the inciting incident seams week.
Inspiration can aid a main character along their way, but for it to be the sole motivator for the journey seems contrived and un believable.
Lastly the combination of photographic work as a goal and farming as an obstacle feel unrelated.
See lessEither change the obstacle or the goal, the chain of events doesn’t make sense as a story.
Running away from domestic violence in 1920s Oklahoma, a teenager encounters homelessness, alcoholism and drug addiction. Sent to prison, then declared insane, an encounter with a book changes his life
The logline reads more like a list of independent events as appose to a story. I suggest that you pick one of the events in the logline as the inciting incident and re draft the logline with a goal.
The logline reads more like a list of independent events as appose to a story.
I suggest that you pick one of the events in the logline as the inciting incident and re draft the logline with a goal.
See less