Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
In a world where magic is controlled by a corrupt few, an outcast with elemental powers must join a rag tag group of well meaning historians to face a powerful magi and release control of magic back to the populace.
Agreed with most of what Richiev proposed. This draft of the logline didn't give the MC a strong motivation via an inciting incident, as such it didn't define the start of the story and explain why the MC must go on her journey. Richiev's suggestion of a close relation that can be saved only with maRead more
Agreed with most of what Richiev proposed.
This draft of the logline didn’t give the MC a strong motivation via an inciting incident, as such it didn’t define the start of the story and explain why the MC must go on her journey. Richiev’s suggestion of a close relation that can be saved only with magic is great.
See lessHowever, I don’t think that made up words have a place in a logline, this comes across as presumptuous and risks adding confusion.
In 1984, a meek high school teen is hired by the local Top 40 Station and sets out on a wild summer odyssey where he falls face first in love, and fist first into bully Bill Carter.
The latest draft of the logline is too convoluted, it delays any plot descriptions until the middle "...but when he meets the girl...". Essentially this is a boy meets girl (as literally described in the logline)? plot, this means that the inciting incident is the boy falling in love. Accordingly meRead more
The latest draft of the logline is too convoluted, it delays any plot descriptions until the middle “…but when he meets the girl…”. Essentially this is a boy meets girl (as literally described in the logline)? plot, this means that the inciting incident is the boy falling in love. Accordingly mention this first and delete the first half of the sentence as it doesn’t contribute to the reader’s understanding of the plot.
The character descriptions should be changed as it could be read as if the MC is a teen in his 80’s…? and “…looking to shake up his ho-hum existence…” is not a story worthy problem, I think these can be dropped all together from the logline seeing as they don’t contribute to the story.
Lastly, none of the story elements seam to logically connect; radio DJ, girl, him being meek and the radio station’s top 40 count down.
As an example:
See lessAfter meeting the girl of his dreams a meek teen with a fake ID gets a job at the local radio station to impress her enough so she leaves her boy friend the school bully.
In a small town in Iowa, a young aspiring photographer has a 30 days to enter his work into a famous gallery as his narcissistic and manipulative grandfather wants the family farm to retain the honor of it?s name no matter what it costs.
The structure of the logline is working against it. You mention the goal first and the inciting incident second, best to revers this so the read resembles the order in which the story will unfold in the script. Secondly the connection between the grandfather's ambitions and the main character's goalRead more
The structure of the logline is working against it.
You mention the goal first and the inciting incident second, best to revers this so the read resembles the order in which the story will unfold in the script.
Secondly the connection between the grandfather’s ambitions and the main character’s goal is vague. Why would he need to enter his work into a gallery if his grandfather wants to retain the honor of it’s name?
The connection between these two events is lost on me as they don’t have a cause and effect relationship between them. Best to specify a goal that is a result of the inciting incident as appose to an arbitrary one.
See less