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A runaway kid in 1920?s Oklahoma transforms vagrancy, drug addiction and mental illness through religion to success in business, but his past overwhelms him.
Agreed with DPG. In addition, running away from home is not an inciting incident, rather the event that caused him to runaway would be. What is the starting point of your story? What was it that pushed the MC out of his parents home? This should be specified in the logline. Ideally the inciting inciRead more
Agreed with DPG.
In addition, running away from home is not an inciting incident, rather the event that caused him to runaway would be. What is the starting point of your story? What was it that pushed the MC out of his parents home? This should be specified in the logline.
See lessIdeally the inciting incident would set up his objective need or goal, but in this case it may not happen so best if his goal would at least relate in theme? to the inciting incident. For example if he was beaten by his parents, he could go off and succeed in boxing.
In 1984, a meek high school teen is hired by the local Top 40 Station and sets out on a wild summer odyssey where he falls face first in love, and fist first into bully Bill Carter.
It reads as very similar to Almost Famous, be sure to introduce enough distinctions in the story to set this concept apart. The inciting incident seems weak and the connection to the rest of the plot is unclear. What is a local top 40 station? Is this a radio station that lists the top 40 songs everRead more
It reads as very similar to Almost Famous, be sure to introduce enough distinctions in the story to set this concept apart.
The inciting incident seems weak and the connection to the rest of the plot is unclear. What is a local top 40 station? Is this a radio station that lists the top 40 songs every week? If so best to describe it as a radio station regardless it’s top 40 countdown program. This is so the premise is clearly understood from the first read.
Secondly he is hired but to do what? In Almost Famous the main character is hired to write an article by Rolling Stone Magazine, in the logline above the MC could have been hired as a cleaner, a DJ or a researcher but which one is it? How does this propel him into a journey or motivate him to achieve a goal?
And as Craig said what is his goal? This needs to be specified in the logline.
See lessThe world’s fate rest on one man with zero combat skills, to save it he has to survive the police, the army and assassins from another dimension who kills without remorse.
Hi Itai, or ma nishma? Agreed with Richiev and DPG, but also to what end? What is the goal he must achieve before knowing, beyond a doubt, that the world is safe again? For example Austin Powers had to stop Dr Evil from erupting all volcanoes around the world, Captain Mandrake had to get the secretRead more
Hi Itai, or ma nishma?
Agreed with Richiev and DPG, but also to what end?
What is the goal he must achieve before knowing, beyond a doubt, that the world is safe again?
For example Austin Powers had to stop Dr Evil from erupting all volcanoes around the world, Captain Mandrake had to get the secret communications code from general Ripper to prevent an all out nuclear war. The equivalent in this concept needs to me written into the logline, otherwise it’s a generic save the world concept.
Perhaps he must close the worm-hole to the other dimension or something to that effect.
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