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In a disillusioned farmer’s quest for contentment he finds more than he bargained for when he houses a new ager couple who transpires to be savage doomsday preppers.
The MC's goal is unclear, what is his definitive, objective and visually clear goal? Contentment (a feeling) falls short due to a lack of specificity - we don't know how it will manifest.? So what is it he needs in order to be content? Make that his goal. Secondly what is the starting point of yourRead more
The MC’s goal is unclear, what is his definitive, objective and visually clear goal? Contentment (a feeling) falls short due to a lack of specificity – we don’t know how it will manifest.? So what is it he needs in order to be content? Make that his goal.
Secondly what is the starting point of your story? In other words, what is the inciting incident which forces him to chase his goal now?
The “…new ager…” couple could be a good obstacle, but their involvement in his life needs to be justified. It is a little hard to believe, that he would just let them walk into his life and ruin it. Perhaps if they were relatives of his a brother or sister etc… he would be compelled to let them in, and discover only in retrospect what he had done.
Hope this helps.
See lessA soon-to-be heiress must overcome her atheism to make amends for her father’s past to inherit his fortune, but when Satan intervenes, it becomes a fight for her future.
The logline describes several unrelated plot points and story elements. Becoming religious in the present doesn't logically relate to ones parent's past mistakes, this may some how be explained in the story, but seems highly implausible in the logline. In addition, inheriting a fortune seems entirelRead more
The logline describes several unrelated plot points and story elements.
Becoming religious in the present doesn’t logically relate to ones parent’s past mistakes, this may some how be explained in the story, but seems highly implausible in the logline. In addition, inheriting a fortune seems entirely un related to atheism and religion, which makes for a week cause and effect relationship between these elements.
Other wise the plot is vague, what is the inciting incident? What is her goal? What is her flaw?
These questions need to be answered in the next draft of this logline for the concept to make sense.
Hope this helps.
See lessAn adventurous wheelchair-bound woman drags her hyper-cautious cousin and friends into the outback to test off-road wheelchairs, but they encounter killer kangaroos with a taste for human flesh.
Good setup for a horror spoof, and i suppose after Black Sheep it's only fair that each country will get a national animal version of the same parody...With these kinds of films it is really the humor that will make or break it, and the premise by which the zombie animals are discovered is less releRead more
Good setup for a horror spoof, and i suppose after Black Sheep it’s only fair that each country will get a national animal version of the same parody…
With these kinds of films it is really the humor that will make or break it, and the premise by which the zombie animals are discovered is less relevant in the grand scheme of things. However this does have an interesting way of getting the heroes into the danger zone, and adding complications with the wheel chair.
Is their a ring leader or Alpha Kangaroo they need to kill before they call it a day? In other words what is the definitive goal they are pursuing that will determine whether they survive or not?
Hope this helps.
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