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When the daughter of a corrupt Mexican police chef of Iguala is kidnapped, he goes om a murderous rampage while unwillingly helped by a masked female vigilante who brutally revenges the endless killings of Mexican favela girls.
There are a few grammar and spelling errors that throw off the reader best to double check these for the next draft.It seems obvious to me that the police chief can't be the protagonist as he is a despicable character (according to your second post) and as such the audience will not develop empathyRead more
There are a few grammar and spelling errors that throw off the reader best to double check these for the next draft.
It seems obvious to me that the police chief can’t be the protagonist as he is a despicable character (according to your second post) and as such the audience will not develop empathy with him.
The daughter sounds like the best candidate for being the protagonist so best to re-draft the logline from her point of view. The masked vigilante seems redundant as she is unrelated to the plot at hand (from the daughter’s perspective) if the plot is that the daughter wants to bring her father to justice that is.
The inciting incident could be the father killing the daughter’s best friend and that is what forces her into action then the goal will be her getting her father arrested.
Hope this helps.
See lessA professor goes antiquing and finds a golden credenza that melts Nazis so the USA keeps it forever.
This logline doesn't have an inciting incident or goal and therefore fails to describe a plot. Further more the MC lacks a character flaw description and as a result there is no implication of an inner journey. I think best to re draft this logline with the above information included. Hope this helpRead more
This logline doesn’t have an inciting incident or goal and therefore fails to describe a plot. Further more the MC lacks a character flaw description and as a result there is no implication of an inner journey.
I think best to re draft this logline with the above information included.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter a government lab accidentally unleashes an experimental virus, a suburban mom must struggle against her timid nature and a horde of mutated neighbors as she races to rescue her kids from certain death.
This sounds like a zombie cross family drama movie. When dealing with genre movies best to specify this, you can't describe a zombie movie and expect people no to pick up on it. So if you are writing a zombie movie embrace and celebrate it by outright declaring what it is. The zombie genre has beenRead more
This sounds like a zombie cross family drama movie. When dealing with genre movies best to specify this, you can’t describe a zombie movie and expect people no to pick up on it. So if you are writing a zombie movie embrace and celebrate it by outright declaring what it is.
The zombie genre has been done to death (pardon the pun…) so I suppose a fresh take via a not yet seen genre cross over could work.
Only things that really jump out as problems are a logic flaw and character descriptions.
“…a suburban mom must struggle against her timid nature…” is a longer way of saying – timid mother, so best to employ more economy in the character description, in that sense brevity = impact.
Secondly after she gets her kids, then what? Where will they go for safety? How will they fend off the zombies? The concept reads like act 1 and half of act 2 but lacks the climax which according to the genre needs to be the MC’s reaching a safe haven so best to add in a description of the final safe place they will go to.
Hope this helps.
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