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A secret society of Torah zealots ask a baker who can see into the past to join them in ridding the world of pagan idols but when she refuses, the government offers her a deal of freedom from a troubled past to become a mole and deliver the elusive society to them.
Not sure that the beginning and end of the story are clear. What starts her off on her journey? Being asked to help the religious zealots or being offered the deal by the government? It reads as if? there are two plots established in the logline but neither seam to have a clear goal or high stakes.Read more
Not sure that the beginning and end of the story are clear.
What starts her off on her journey? Being asked to help the religious zealots or being offered the deal by the government?
It reads as if? there are two plots established in the logline but neither seam to have a clear goal or high stakes.
Also “…freedom from a troubled past…”? is too vague a description to fit well in a logline what specifically did she do and what specifically is she being offered by the government?
Lastly the stakes are unclear because we don’t know what it is about the elusive society that is so dangerous to make the government invest resources to stop them.
Hope this helps.
See lessAn ex-convict trying to get his life right finds himself framed in a huge corporate scam, he must utilize his street skills to prove his innocence
Agreed with the above also be specific what specifically must he do to achieve what specific goal? Without these details the plot sppears generic in nature and not interesting as a result. Hope this helps.
Agreed with the above also be specific what specifically must he do to achieve what specific goal?
Without these details the plot sppears generic in nature and not interesting as a result.
Hope this helps.
See lessAn uptight bored housewife gets hooked on drugs and takes to prostitution and crime to support her addiction while hiding it from her loving husband
Sounds like a promising set up for a story of redemption. What is her goal? What must she achieve? The obvious one is to kick the habit so why not make this her goal? and the inciting incident one of her children discovering the habit. Just a try: After her daughter discovers her drug habit a heroinRead more
Sounds like a promising set up for a story of redemption.
What is her goal? What must she achieve?
The obvious one is to kick the habit so why not make this her goal? and the inciting incident one of her children discovering the habit.
Just a try:
After her daughter discovers her drug habit a heroin addict must fight her addiction and her pimp to break free of her secret prostitution activities with out her husband finding out.
Hope this helps.
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