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When the passionate brother of the bland man she is engaged to marry falls madly in love with her, a woman must decide which man is right for her.
It's true about romance stories being mostly about the decision to either follow the heart or the head, however I firmly believe that in most good love stories a goal awaits the characters beyond the mere decision it self. I haven't seen Moonstruck (you're on to me romance isn't my genre...), is theRead more
It’s true about romance stories being mostly about the decision to either follow the heart or the head, however I firmly believe that in most good love stories a goal awaits the characters beyond the mere decision it self.
I haven’t seen Moonstruck (you’re on to me romance isn’t my genre…), is there a consequence established as a result of either choice she makes? Also is there a B story separate to the love interests?
See lessIn 16th century Japan, the African slave of a Jesuit priest rises to become a samurai in the service of its most powerful warlord, and faces the challenge of a corrupt general who is scheming to topple the warlord and rule in his place.
The logline describes a vague plot because the inciting incident "...rises to become a samurai..." seams like a long process initiated by the main character rather than a sudden even which changes the MCs life and forces him to take action. It seams like the "real" inciting incident that motivated hRead more
The logline describes a vague plot because the inciting incident “…rises to become a samurai…” seams like a long process initiated by the main character rather than a sudden even which changes the MCs life and forces him to take action. It seams like the “real” inciting incident that motivated him to want to become a samurai would have happened before hand, what was it?
The second big problem is the goal is not clear, what does “…the challenge of a corrupt general…” mean specifically? What will it look like? Best to be specific about the goal and what he must achieve?
Lastly what is at stake? What could make this a compelling story is a clear definition of what he stands to lose if he fails and gain if he succeeds.
Hope this helps.
See lessA fired telemarketer fakes the paperwork to become a family physician. When her patients start to see through the lie, she realizes she’s in the perfect position to silence them.
The first sentence seams more of a backstory than part of the central plot and could be cut all together from the logline. Other wise the wording is off, for example: "...her patients start to see through the lie..." her patients don't "start" to do anything rather they either do or don't find out sRead more
The first sentence seams more of a backstory than part of the central plot and could be cut all together from the logline.
Other wise the wording is off, for example: “…her patients start to see through the lie…” her patients don’t “start” to do anything rather they either do or don’t find out she is lying.
“…she realizes she?s in the perfect position to silence them…” is a long winded way of saying she must kill her patients, the compelling aspect of the forward motion nature a plot gets from a clearly driven character pursuing a goal is vital for a good story in film.? Define her goal and make her her chase it with all her might.
A suggestion:
After her patients discover she faked her medical qualification certificates a doctor must silence them before they alert the authorities.
Presumably the MC will kill off the patients with medicine or surgery once she realizes they are on to her. The problem with this logline is the basic logic on which it relies; if her patients don’t trust her why would they take the medicine she prescribes or undergo the surgery she recommends?
Lastly this is a story with an anti hero and therefore needs some sort of redeeming quality to her other wise why would the audience care about a con artist who kills people to protect herself?
Hope this helps.
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