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Adapted from the book The Last Stand of Fox Company about a real battle over six nights in subfreezing temperatures during the Korean War: A brainy captain and 250 inexperienced Marines defend a vital evacuation route against an invading horde of Chinese soldiers to save another 8,000 Marines from annihilation.
The concept has a lot of potential with high stakes and a clear danger that needs little explanation. I believe that with the exception of M.A.S.H there have been few main stream successful films made about the Korean war so the subject mater could prove to be an interesting addition to the war genrRead more
The concept has a lot of potential with high stakes and a clear danger that needs little explanation. I believe that with the exception of M.A.S.H there have been few main stream successful films made about the Korean war so the subject mater could prove to be an interesting addition to the war genre.
The logline construct is a problem as it doesn’t read well due to lack of grammatical refining and well described plot points.? What is the starting point of the story? What propelled the MC into action? What is the inciting incident?
Could it be the death of the commanding officer which was leading the fight to keep the route open that made the marksmanship instructor take command?
What is his flaw ? What is going to be the MC’s journey of change throughout the story?
It is this that will make this a moving story to watch.
His goal s to keep the evacuation rout open this much is clear but the story cold greatly benefit from an antagonist that is motivated in direct opposition to the MC. Could there be a specific Korean commander you could describe as the antagonist the MC is up against?
As this is an adaptation from book to screen you should feel free to dramatize the conflicts, actions and struggles with visual events. Point is you don’t have to stick to the original story page for page because you will likely have to make significant changes to make the story work for cinema.
Hope this helps.
See less?After she’s attacked by demons, a teenage amnesiac must discover who or what she is, if she?s to defeat the evil horde that has targeted her.? — Fallen Angel–
I think the fact she is attacked by demons is a strong enough inciting incident it also explains what the genre is I wouldn't change that. Her being an amnesiac? is not a character flaw it is a medical condition as such it doesn't explain in what way she will change and grow throughout the story. IsRead more
I think the fact she is attacked by demons is a strong enough inciting incident it also explains what the genre is I wouldn’t change that.
Her being an amnesiac? is not a character flaw it is a medical condition as such it doesn’t explain in what way she will change and grow throughout the story. Is there a character flaw you could replace the amnesiac description with? Or if having amnesia is critical to the story what character flaw could you add to her description?
Secondly the order of action and reaction in the logline lacks a logical connection as it reads now the MC is attacked by demons then she must discover who she is. If I were attacked by demons the first thing I would do is find a priest or a rabbi and fight the demons not go on a journey of self discovery…
I get that you’re insinuating that she either has a super power of some sort or is related to Jesus or something to that effect but the action described in the logline directly after being attacked needs to be a response to the inciting incident. What is it she will do as a result of the demonic attack? Then if possible add in a small description of her strength or special power that she will use to achieve her goal.
Hope this helps.
See lessThe nation?s most experienced bomb disposal expert confronts a well-funded woman with militant Islamic contacts who kills his team one by one and targets him for revenge – because of her life-altering experience as a teenager caught up in the Gulf War.
The mention of a nation with no specifics geographic reference reads as a declaration of an arbitrary country generic in nature and adds little to the plot. However, if the country provides a story critical back drop that provides stakes i.e: USA, Israel or Kuwait for example, then it is worth mentiRead more
The mention of a nation with no specifics geographic reference reads as a declaration of an arbitrary country generic in nature and adds little to the plot. However, if the country provides a story critical back drop that provides stakes i.e: USA, Israel or Kuwait for example, then it is worth mentioning, other wise best to take this description out and save on words.
Secondly with no inciting incident and goal the plot is vague. It is clear that the bomb disposal expert will fight the militant but to what end? What specifically does he need to achieve? Further to that why now? What happened that he is made to confront her now? What is the inciting incident?
Hope this helps.
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