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?When a rookie undercover officer mistakenly finds himself admitted to a college that trains criminals, he will have to play a balancing act in order to please his superiors and prove he's one of the guys.?
Good premise for a comedy. I would suggest to research similar films such as 21 Jump Street. I think better to make it so his commanding officer admits him to the college undercover. This way it is out of his control and he is also faced with a the same dilemmas of other such stories. He develops frRead more
Good premise for a comedy.
I would suggest to research similar films such as 21 Jump Street. I think better to make it so his commanding officer admits him to the college undercover. This way it is out of his control and he is also faced with a the same dilemmas of other such stories. He develops friendships in the college and wants to protect his new found friends but also must stay loyal to his police captain.
After a rookie cop is assigned to an undercover operation as a student in a college for criminals he must protect his fellow students whilst at the same time bust the head teacher a criminal master mind.
Perhaps also add in some heightened stakes. Make it obvious what will happen if he fails.
Hope this helps.
See lessA revengeful ghost uses their tablet PC to plague a young family. The young mother saves them – at the cost of a horrific sacrifice.Logline:
The sentence structure confuses the meaning of the logline. Perhaps re worded so the family is mentioned before "...their tablet PC...". Also the stakes need to be clarified, what will happen if the mother fails? They die, they get scared, etc... My try: After a young family is haunted by a revengefRead more
The sentence structure confuses the meaning of the logline. Perhaps re worded so the family is mentioned before “…their tablet PC…”. Also the stakes need to be clarified, what will happen if the mother fails? They die, they get scared, etc…
My try:
After a young family is haunted by a revengeful ghost the [good description] mother must fight the spirit to save their lives.
Only thing that is missing is the specific, original and interesting action the mother will take to save her family?
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a jealous mother asks her 10 years old geek son to spy on his father,he finds him dating his new teacher and decides to break up the relationship by foiling their every move to save his family from disintegrating.
Adjust the wording to imply an immediate need as a result of a significant inciting incident. Also I agree with the idea that a stronger emotional stake would heighten the experience. The woman's job and position is unrelated to the plot and adds unnecessary descriptions to the logline. The crucialRead more
Adjust the wording to imply an immediate need as a result of a significant inciting incident. Also I agree with the idea that a stronger emotional stake would heighten the experience.
The woman’s job and position is unrelated to the plot and adds unnecessary descriptions to the logline. The crucial plot point is the discovery of the affair regardless what the person does for a living.
Lastly the mother asking him to spy on the father is less significant and out of the ordinary than him discovering the affair. This makes the discovery of the affair the inciting incident and mentioning the circumstances under which the discovery was made redundant in the logline.
Best to delegate the explanation of this to the synopsis.
My try:
After a geeky boy discovers his father, whom he idolizes, is having an affair he must break up the relationship to save his family.
Hope this helps.
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