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After the mysterious arrival of a stolen diamond and her missing brother's diary, an art forgery expert discovers that her long lost family was involved in an unsolved international crime, and is forced on a quest through the dark catacombs of Siberia to discover the truth
This is the first draft of a logline for this concept that is getting close to describing a causally connected plot. Well done! Main character - art forgery expert Inciting incident - discovers that her father was behind an unsolved international diamonds robbery Causal connection - Because of findiRead more
This is the first draft of a logline for this concept that is getting close to describing a causally connected plot. Well done!
Main character – art forgery expert
Inciting incident – discovers that her father was behind an unsolved international diamonds robbery
Causal connection – Because of finding out her father is accused of theft she must…
Goal – absolved her father
A few notes.
This line “…whose family disappeared 20 years ago,…” is unrelated to the plot and needs to be removed from the logline.
Main Character – art forgery expert – still a bit vague as I’m not sure this is an actually profession, is it?
Also how is an art expert able to solve an international crime? The main character description would be best used to describe either a characteristic as an obstacle that will stand in her way of achieving her goal and require she overcomes it via her inner journey, or, be an ability vital for her to achieve the goal. Currently art forgery expert doesn’t do either.
Inciting incident – discovers father is guilty of a crime. Needs more detail, how does she discover? What was the event that sparked her suspicions?
On that note, what does “…behind an unsolved international diamonds robbery…” mean? Was he the robber? The master mind? The getaway driver? The dealer?
Goal – Lastly a logic flaw in the logline is; if he is indeed behind the robbery then he is guilty and she should not be able to absolve him. Secondly if the crime was unsolved then he would have not been accused of anything so in who’s eyes is she trying to absolve him?
See lessWhen a habitual liar forges the paperwork to establish a rural family practice, she soon finds herself in a blood-soaked examining room, trying to silence the screams of her poorly anesthetized patients.
Why now? If she is a "...habitual liar..." how is this event an unusual one that forces her to achieve a goal? What is her inciting incident? Also, is this a short film? Hope this helps.
Why now? If she is a “…habitual liar…” how is this event an unusual one that forces her to achieve a goal?
What is her inciting incident?
Also, is this a short film?
Hope this helps.
See lessA woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother's killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.
The second line in the logline ("...was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, ...") is a very long way of saying 27yo. No need for this line as the MC's age has no baring on the plot. These kind of sentences "... is closer than she thinks..." work against a logline as they are vague and laRead more
The second line in the logline (“…was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, …”) is a very long way of saying 27yo. No need for this line as the MC’s age has no baring on the plot.
These kind of sentences “… is closer than she thinks…” work against a logline as they are vague and lack detail. Closer in what way? Physically? Emotionally? Geographically? If the murderer is a friend, family member or work colleague then say so in the logline.
The logline as a whole doesn’t describe a plot it describes a situation; this woman is doing this thing. What a logline nbeeds to do is describe a series of events that are connected via a cause and eefect relationship; because of this thing this woman must achieve this goal.
What is the MC’s goal? What is the inciting incident? The logline should be able to answer these questions.
Hope this helps.
See less