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  1. Posted: September 23, 2018In: Horror

    When clues from his friend’s disappearance lead to a high-class restaurant, an old hobo must save him from becoming part of the menu.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 23, 2018 at 11:21 am

    The inciting event needs to be more personal and direct . I would also consider changing this to comedy or black comedy - for some reason it feels better suited for yucks than screams.E.g:When a homeless woman wakes up missing her husband outside of a three Michelen hat restaurants, she must? save hRead more

    The inciting event needs to be more personal and direct . I would also consider changing this to comedy or black comedy – for some reason it feels better suited for yucks than screams.

    E.g:
    When a homeless woman wakes up missing her husband outside of a three Michelen hat restaurants, she must? save him before he becomes a part of the menu.

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  2. Posted: September 23, 2018In: Drama

    An emotional wreck of a country singer must bring his daughter whom he has never met with him on tour, when her mother goes into rehab for a few weeks.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 23, 2018 at 11:13 am

    Inciting incident first then the action and goal - a logline should be structured according to the order of events in the story, so... After her mother goes into rehab, a girl must join her emotionally damaged country singer father on tour. This doesn't have enough for a story in it.? The lack of coRead more

    Inciting incident first then the action and goal – a logline should be structured according to the order of events in the story, so…

    After her mother goes into rehab, a girl must join her emotionally damaged country singer father on tour.

    This doesn’t have enough for a story in it.? The lack of conflict and vague plot points described in the logline raise too many questions for the concept to work at this stage:
    Why must she join him?
    Can’t she stay with any other family or friends for a while?
    Who is the main character in the story? Daughter or father?
    What’s at stake?
    What must he or she achieve by the end of the film?
    What’s stopping him or he from achieving it?

    You seem to be particularly interested in a country singer father and an estranged daughter as the subject matter for a story. Check out Tender Mercies as a good example of a film that dealt with the EXACT same characters and did it well. Not sure that can be topped…

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  3. Posted: September 21, 2018In: Student Loglines

    REVISED: When her beloved grandma passes away, an estranged young woman must find a way of fulfilling her grandma?s last wish while struggling to reconnect with her dysfunctional family at the funeral.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 22, 2018 at 10:41 am

    So family... Best to avoid repetition and use details that build on one another in a concept. Perhaps she struggles to connect with a particular family member instead of the whole family? Describe who died instead of a generic family member. Who specifically does she need to catch up with? Brother,Read more

    So family…

    Best to avoid repetition and use details that build on one another in a concept.

    Perhaps she struggles to connect with a particular family member instead of the whole family? Describe who died instead of a generic family member. Who specifically does she need to catch up with? Brother, sister, twin, etc…

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