Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A man secretly aware of his wife's affair with his rich and handsome boss, plots to murder him and eventually poison his wife and himself.
This logline doesn't inspire interest as it fails to illustrate a plot. In the logline a man plans to kill and then commit suicide but no specifics are mentioned. Kill how and where? What stands in his way? How will this be challenging? Why now? When did he discover the affair? Inciting incident? ObRead more
This logline doesn’t inspire interest as it fails to illustrate a plot.
In the logline a man plans to kill and then commit suicide but no specifics are mentioned. Kill how and where? What stands in his way? How will this be challenging? Why now? When did he discover the affair? Inciting incident? Obstacle? Goal?
A man is a perfectly generic description for a main character, what is different and or unique about this man? What is hi flaw? What will be his inner journey?
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a women?s prison workgang is attacked by 19th Century demon possessed, private-school girls, the head prisoner must destroy them to save the new inmate.
In that case I find the MC selfish and negative as she will only save the object of her sexual desire. Why would I empathise with her? Or want to see her succeed? Maybe she needs to lead the gang in a fight against the demonic attackers? The love or sex interest B plot doesn't need to be mentioned iRead more
In that case I find the MC selfish and negative as she will only save the object of her sexual desire. Why would I empathise with her? Or want to see her succeed?
Maybe she needs to lead the gang in a fight against the demonic attackers?
The love or sex interest B plot doesn’t need to be mentioned in the logline in this case.
The description of “…head prisoner?”, regardless the genre conventions, isn’t achieving the desired effect best to change it to something more easily understood. Perhaps something more pragmatic such as the “gang leader” or drop it all together and just specify her as an inmate that leads her fellow prisoners to fight against something.
Definitely trim the antagonist description and specify the nature of their demonic powers. Soul eating demons? Killer demons? What specific danger will the demons present this is not necessary but may help generate more interest if the danger is unique.
See lessWhen a 17 year-old does a work for the dole program at a Sydney Car Wash for a businessman, he becomes entangled into his shady world while his dreams of wrestling at the 2000 Olympic Games becomes more and more distant by the year. Note: This is a TV pilot.
I don't see a strong parallel with Breaking Bad so best not to be concerned with that. Is there such a thing as a combined Vietnamese/Chinese gang back then? I thought that each nationality stuck to their own. You mentioned in an earlier post that "...Shady world = stand-over work for a corrupt busiRead more
I don’t see a strong parallel with Breaking Bad so best not to be concerned with that.
Is there such a thing as a combined Vietnamese/Chinese gang back then? I thought that each nationality stuck to their own.
You mentioned in an earlier post that “…Shady world = stand-over work for a corrupt businessman.” but this is still too vague. Specify what exactly he will be doing. Is he made to beat people up? Kill mob opponents? Threaten debtors families?
You also mentioned in earlier post about the obstacles. How can ambition be an obstacle? In what way is money an obstacle as in what can’t he afford but needs in order to make it onto the olympic team?
It appears as if you have given some thought to many production related elements but not story. As it sounds like you are still structuring the story and character dynamics for the series best to focus on the primary story elements.
See lessWhat is the plot of the pilot? What is the main character’s specific goal in the first season?