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A year after the end of a bitter war between mysterious creatures and the human race, a knight in outback Australia discovers a mysterious aboriginal boy, together they learn the grim reality that the war is far from over.
What Richiev and DPG said. Also as a side note there are too many vague or generic descriptions in this logline: "...bitter war?" - nuclear, chemical warfare, all out invasion, etc? "...mysterious creatures?" - mysterious in what way? Do they have special powers? Highly superior technology and weapoRead more
What Richiev and DPG said.
Also as a side note there are too many vague or generic descriptions in this logline:
“…bitter war?” – nuclear, chemical warfare, all out invasion, etc?
“…mysterious creatures?” – mysterious in what way? Do they have special powers? Highly superior technology and weapons?
“…mysterious aboriginal?” – similar to the above, mysterious in what way? What makes him mysterious? Is there a reason for the child to be a boy not a girl if so why?
“…grim reality that the war is far from over?” – is the war still being waged in a far away land from Australia? Is there a cease fire and the enemy is planning a sneak attack? Is the war out of sight for most people?
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen terrorists cease control of the North Pole and take Santa hostage on Christmas Eve, the government sends in an elite task force to rescue him.
Doctor Who is vastly different as it has over 40 years of a franchise behind it with several generations of audiences comprising its huge fan base. If it has an episode that is less kid friendly there is more than enough adults happy to watch and vis a versa. (I'm a Doctor Who fan, your on to me?) WRead more
Doctor Who is vastly different as it has over 40 years of a franchise behind it with several generations of audiences comprising its huge fan base. If it has an episode that is less kid friendly there is more than enough adults happy to watch and vis a versa.
(I’m a Doctor Who fan, your on to me?)
Where as this will be a once off release that needs to be applicable to either kids or adults and the logline suggests a problematic cross over.
See lessWhen the bodyless talking brains of the most brilliant scientists want to leave the country, their simple minded transporter must learn to use his head to pass the frontier before the government or the resistance get their hands on them.
Similar to the conventions of bodiless heads established in Futurama this could work as a comedy. However the logline is confusing. How can "...unbodied living brains?" talk or communicate with no body? If the inciting incident is them asking him for help then the basic logic that permits this needsRead more
Similar to the conventions of bodiless heads established in Futurama this could work as a comedy.
However the logline is confusing. How can “…unbodied living brains?” talk or communicate with no body?
If the inciting incident is them asking him for help then the basic logic that permits this needs clarification.
Secondly there are a few grammar/spelling mistakes; “?his?” instead of “?him?” I think is what was intended and “?get?” instead of “?put?”.
Lastly the stakes could be increased by changing the “or else” result. Instead of the government just wanting to catch him how about the government wants to exploit the brains to develop super weapons, this way if he fails many other people will be in danger.
Hope this helps.
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