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A young talented street musician is beginning a new life with his brother to realize the dream of a common band. But his childhood traumas and a flubbed school performance in the past preventing him to show his full talent on stage and driving him into the arms of a greedy music producer who has his own plans for the two brothers.
There are several problems with this logline formatting and length aside. What is at stake for the MC? Why must he start a band now? What starts off his action to start the band? Most importantly; What is the inciting incident? Starting the band is not an inciting incident as he would have started tRead more
There are several problems with this logline formatting and length aside.
What is at stake for the MC? Why must he start a band now? What starts off his action to start the band?
Most importantly; What is the inciting incident? Starting the band is not an inciting incident as he would have started the band with his brother regardless and ultimately starting the band was his choice not something done to him forcing him to take action.
Further the obstacles and backstory appear to be unrelated to each other. How can a “flubbed” school performance from years before drive anyone into the arms of some one? On that note what does drive into the arms of a producer mean? Romantically? Sexual? Legally? As a business arraignment?
The choice of words is confusing on top of the cause and effect relationship of the story elements.
Hope this helps.
See lessVeil of a Dream is a character-driven drama about an emotionally unstable teenager who must battle the torment of his manipulative friends, his scarred past, and his own haunted mind as he pursues a desire for love.
As teenage love stories go there have been many iterations and for good reason. Teenage films are great because there is always interest in them and they find a market easily so good choice on the genre. I think the goal for your MC is the love interest, so this could be a boy meets girl story. If sRead more
As teenage love stories go there have been many iterations and for good reason. Teenage films are great because there is always interest in them and they find a market easily so good choice on the genre.
I think the goal for your MC is the love interest, so this could be a boy meets girl story. If so perhaps best to look into the most recent successful films that dealt with teenage love and see what made them work well and what made them original The Fault in Our Stars or Juno come to mind.
What is the inciting incident? By this I mean how does the MC meet the love interest? What is the obstacle? What is keeping the MC and love interest apart?
In this genre specifically, the obstacle is as important as the goal because all love stories are about people meeting each other, what sets the stories apart are the obstacles they need to overcome to be or stay together.
As for the logline best not to mention the title in the logline a strong title could rase expectations for elements that are not in the logline and a weak title may detract from the read of the logline.
Lastly best not to spell out the genre instead let the reader deduct from your story elements what genre it is in, this is added proof that your concept is strong.
Hope this helps.
See lessVeil of a Dream is a character-driven drama about an emotionally unstable teenager who must battle the torment of his manipulative friends, his scarred past, and his own haunted mind as he pursues a desire for love.
As teenage love stories go there have been many iterations and for good reason. Teenage films are great because there is always interest in them and they find a market easily so good choice on the genre. I think the goal for your MC is the love interest, so this could be a boy meets girl story. If sRead more
As teenage love stories go there have been many iterations and for good reason. Teenage films are great because there is always interest in them and they find a market easily so good choice on the genre.
I think the goal for your MC is the love interest, so this could be a boy meets girl story. If so perhaps best to look into the most recent successful films that dealt with teenage love and see what made them work well and what made them original The Fault in Our Stars or Juno come to mind.
What is the inciting incident? By this I mean how does the MC meet the love interest? What is the obstacle? What is keeping the MC and love interest apart?
In this genre specifically, the obstacle is as important as the goal because all love stories are about people meeting each other, what sets the stories apart are the obstacles they need to overcome to be or stay together.
As for the logline best not to mention the title in the logline a strong title could rase expectations for elements that are not in the logline and a weak title may detract from the read of the logline.
Lastly best not to spell out the genre instead let the reader deduct from your story elements what genre it is in, this is added proof that your concept is strong.
Hope this helps.
See less