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A reticent young mother, grieving the death of her husband on 9 11 joins three widows who take on the U.S. government, looking for answers to the century?s most heinous crime
As far as potent subject matter goes this is right up there. Subject matter aside I think the plot described in the logline is weak because the actions and goal are vague and the descriptions are too wordy. "A reticent young mother, grieving the death of her husband on 9 11..." could be changed intoRead more
As far as potent subject matter goes this is right up there.
Subject matter aside I think the plot described in the logline is weak because the actions and goal are vague and the descriptions are too wordy.
“A reticent young mother, grieving the death of her husband on 9 11…” could be changed into: “A reticent widow after 911…”. The reader can fill in the necessary gaps to make sense of her husband dieing in 911 and young mother dosn’t add enough to justify being in the logline.
If the main action for her is to “…take on the U.S. government…” best to describe in what way. Will she pursue legal action in the high courts? Or try to instigate an official inquiry? etc…
This is important because the main action she takes is whats going to make this an interesting story to watch through.
Lastly her goal being “…answers to the century?s most heinous crime.” is not clear as to what she actually wants. Answers to what exactly? And from whom specifically? Once she gets these answers what will she do with them? How will they benefit her or society?
As a goal satisfying curiosity alone is not worthy of a story being told because ultimately nothing much will change for her after she gets the knowledge she wants. But if she can use the knowledge she seeks to better her and others lives some how then it becomes a noble goal worth of a story.
Hope this helps.
See lessA reticent young mother, grieving the death of her husband on 9 11 joins three widows who take on the U.S. government, looking for answers to the century?s most heinous crime
As far as potent subject matter goes this is right up there. Subject matter aside I think the plot described in the logline is weak because the actions and goal are vague and the descriptions are too wordy. "A reticent young mother, grieving the death of her husband on 9 11..." could be changed intoRead more
As far as potent subject matter goes this is right up there.
Subject matter aside I think the plot described in the logline is weak because the actions and goal are vague and the descriptions are too wordy.
“A reticent young mother, grieving the death of her husband on 9 11…” could be changed into: “A reticent widow after 911…”. The reader can fill in the necessary gaps to make sense of her husband dieing in 911 and young mother dosn’t add enough to justify being in the logline.
If the main action for her is to “…take on the U.S. government…” best to describe in what way. Will she pursue legal action in the high courts? Or try to instigate an official inquiry? etc…
This is important because the main action she takes is whats going to make this an interesting story to watch through.
Lastly her goal being “…answers to the century?s most heinous crime.” is not clear as to what she actually wants. Answers to what exactly? And from whom specifically? Once she gets these answers what will she do with them? How will they benefit her or society?
As a goal satisfying curiosity alone is not worthy of a story being told because ultimately nothing much will change for her after she gets the knowledge she wants. But if she can use the knowledge she seeks to better her and others lives some how then it becomes a noble goal worth of a story.
Hope this helps.
See lessA man with a rare medical condition has to decide between embracing his final months alive or undertaking an experimental procedure that could extend his life or end it. For #meetup
Is the MC aware of the rare medical condition prior to the story beginning? If so the inciting incident would be the doctor giving him the choice to undertake the experimental procedure. His decision whether to undertake the procedure or not will be most of the action in act 2. Or is the discovery oRead more
Is the MC aware of the rare medical condition prior to the story beginning?
If so the inciting incident would be the doctor giving him the choice to undertake the experimental procedure. His decision whether to undertake the procedure or not will be most of the action in act 2.
Or is the discovery of the rare medical condition in the story?
If so then the inciting incident would be him being told of his condition. His search for a cure would be most of the action the MC takes in act 2
Personally I find that decision making makes for poor action in a plot and action taken with out facing a decision with a good dilemma not compelling. Good plots force characters to make decisions (as McKee specifies under pressure) but this is to facilitate them taking action as a result not as a substitute for it.
Either way I think best to ask what would the MC have done with his life before the inciting incident then give him a choice to make and force him to take an action that is completely different to what he would have done otherwise.
Hope this helps.
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