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A 12 year old human/alien hybrid, struggling to fit in on his alien planet, discovers he looks exactly like his fully human ‘half brother’ on earth and leaves his planet with the mission to be adopted by his human family. (ET meets The Parent Trap)
This sounds like a good idea for a coming of age. I assume that one of the boy's parents is human and the other alien thus creating a genetic hybrid of the two. If so you can use this to personalize the story a bit by giving him the goal of finding a lost parent as appose to getting adopted and descRead more
This sounds like a good idea for a coming of age.
I assume that one of the boy’s parents is human and the other alien thus creating a genetic hybrid of the two. If so you can use this to personalize the story a bit by giving him the goal of finding a lost parent as appose to getting adopted and describe a road trip (every body loves a good road trip movie) only across the galaxy.
The logline is too wordy and is not structured to maximize the effect on the reader.
Try describing the boy more efficiently then state the inciting incident and then describe a clearer goal.
e.g:
After a half human half alien boy, a miss fit on his home planet, discovers humans look like him he travels across the Galaxy in search of his human mother.
Or something to that effect.
Hope this helps.
See lessA 12 year old human/alien hybrid, struggling to fit in on his alien planet, discovers he looks exactly like his fully human ‘half brother’ on earth and leaves his planet with the mission to be adopted by his human family. (ET meets The Parent Trap)
This sounds like a good idea for a coming of age. I assume that one of the boy's parents is human and the other alien thus creating a genetic hybrid of the two. If so you can use this to personalize the story a bit by giving him the goal of finding a lost parent as appose to getting adopted and descRead more
This sounds like a good idea for a coming of age.
I assume that one of the boy’s parents is human and the other alien thus creating a genetic hybrid of the two. If so you can use this to personalize the story a bit by giving him the goal of finding a lost parent as appose to getting adopted and describe a road trip (every body loves a good road trip movie) only across the galaxy.
The logline is too wordy and is not structured to maximize the effect on the reader.
Try describing the boy more efficiently then state the inciting incident and then describe a clearer goal.
e.g:
After a half human half alien boy, a miss fit on his home planet, discovers humans look like him he travels across the Galaxy in search of his human mother.
Or something to that effect.
Hope this helps.
See lessA career girl convinced her instinctive man-picker is broken, creates a complicated love square when she discovers the sequence that triggers love and lust in the brain, and uses it to transfer her infatuation with an unavailable co-worker to her ?just friends? bestie.
Not sure what "...instinctive man-picker..." is, is this her feminine instinct? Or a known mechanism/technique in the world of your character? Did she miss judge her infatuation initially and decide to transfer it to another person or was this by mistake? After transferring it did it become a probleRead more
Not sure what “…instinctive man-picker…” is, is this her feminine instinct?
Or a known mechanism/technique in the world of your character?
Did she miss judge her infatuation initially and decide to transfer it to another person or was this by mistake? After transferring it did it become a problem for her if so in what way?
I think a problem with this logline is that it is not clear what type of person the main character is and what it is she wants.
MC – career girl, but what is her flaw, goal, obstacle and is there an antagonist?
Hope this helps.
See less