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When her son is kidnapped, the distraught mother must beg her tight-fisted father-in-law, J. Paul Getty, the world?s richest man, to pay the ransom.
Shouldn't it be - After her son is kidnapped, a distraught mother must beg... The word "...his..." threw me off. Is J. Paul Getty a real life person? Is this based on? true story?
Shouldn’t it be – After her son is kidnapped, a distraught mother must beg…
The word “…his…” threw me off.
Is J. Paul Getty a real life person?
Is this based on? true story?
See lessWhen ruthless alien killers with chameleon abilities escape to Earth, an elite, combat security officer must kill or recapture them before they slaughter the humans that get in their way
Agreed with all the above comments.You describe three separate goals - stop the slaughter, save his job, and avoid jail time, but what's his primary goal?Tip; It can't be all three, which ONE goal MUST he achieve before the end of the story?
Agreed with all the above comments.
You describe three separate goals – stop the slaughter, save his job, and avoid jail time, but what’s his primary goal?
Tip; It can’t be all three, which ONE goal MUST he achieve before the end of the story?
See lessAdar, an alien assassin, transports to Earth seeking three killers with chameleon abilities who escaped his ship. Adar must find his prey quickly before many of Earth?s inhabitants are slaughtered or live with dishonor.
Hi Jay, Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more details on logline best practice. There's no need to mention the character's name in the logline, better to describe him instead. While he may be an assassin in the book, in this particular instance his job is that of a bounty hunter, so beRead more
Hi Jay,
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more details on logline best practice.
There’s no need to mention the character’s name in the logline, better to describe him instead. While he may be an assassin in the book, in this particular instance his job is that of a bounty hunter, so best call him that. Otherwise, you’ll need to describe his function as well (an assassin hired to transport prisoners…) – it’s confusing to read about an assassin who doesn’t kill…
The stakes involved in his story “…live with dishonor…” pales in comparison to the threat of killing innocent people. Unless this is a character like Worf from Star Trek, who comes from a culture which was fundamentally constructed around honor. However, even then, you would need a significant amount of screen time to establish honor as a stake. Best cut the honor part as the other stake is far greater and universally recognised.
Last thing, remember that a book adaptation is just that – an adaptation, not a carbon copy word for word re telling of the story. If the story works better on screen with him as a bounty hunter instead of an assassin, why not change it?
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