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Revision 2: A telepath must install a countermeasure in a guarded government facility, before an anti-telepath weapon is launched.
Jessie, In future, please repost revisions under the original logline. About the logline, agreed with the comments above. I'll add that in this new version there's no inciting incident, what was the event that sets the MC off on his or her journey? If it's a government facility, wouldn't the weaponRead more
Jessie,
In future, please repost revisions under the original logline.
About the logline, agreed with the comments above. I’ll add that in this new version there’s no inciting incident, what was the event that sets the MC off on his or her journey?
See lessIf it’s a government facility, wouldn’t the weapon be developed under wraps? How did the MC find out about it?
When the illegal distribution of Opioids claims the life of a high school athlete, a 3rd generation police officer leads an investigation and as the case breaks, the fallout hits close to home.
Don't be afraid to be specific; "...illegal distribution of Opioids..." = heroin, "...as the case breaks..." = a major discovery that needs to be detailed in the logline, "...hits close to home..." = a family member is the dealer. Aside from the vague nature of the descriptions, you're not describinRead more
Don’t be afraid to be specific; “…illegal distribution of Opioids…” = heroin, “…as the case breaks…” = a major discovery that needs to be detailed in the logline, “…hits close to home…” = a family member is the dealer. Aside from the vague nature of the descriptions, you’re not describing the story. What is it he does after the case ‘hits close to home’ his resulting goal needs to be included in the logline.
See less(Having another stab at this one….)
The logline has one major fundamental problem which I simply can't find a solution for - the MC can't do anything except wait in order to achieve her main goal - this isn't very cinematic (if at all...).
The logline has one major fundamental problem which I simply can’t find a solution for – the MC can’t do anything except wait in order to achieve her main goal – this isn’t very cinematic (if at all…).
See less