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After the death of his wife, A confident salesman is sent to prison for assault and his children put in care, upon his release he enlist the help of his brother lawyer to regain custody but is he stable and will the children have bonded with the foster parents.
I would add for audience empathy sake: "After wrongly accused of manslaughter and serving ten years..." This makes him an underdog fighting his way up rather than a man in search of redemption. Hope this helps.
I would add for audience empathy sake: “After wrongly accused of manslaughter and serving ten years…”
This makes him an underdog fighting his way up rather than a man in search of redemption.
Hope this helps.
See lessWithout knowing it, two military college cadets stumble upon a plot by deranged Cuban Americans to assassinate the President in retaliation for his normalizing relations with Cuba. It isn?t until minutes before the plan is about to be put into action that the cadets discover what?s happening and race to stop the assassins? plan from succeeding.
Many redundant words in this logline better to reduce the number of adjectives and describe the actions specific to the motivations and obstacles of the MC. Also better to reduce it to one main character than a duo for simplicity sake this will also make it harder for him to succeed on his own. TheRead more
Many redundant words in this logline better to reduce the number of adjectives and describe the actions specific to the motivations and obstacles of the MC. Also better to reduce it to one main character than a duo for simplicity sake this will also make it harder for him to succeed on his own. The cadet buddy can be introduced as an ally during act 2.
My try:
After a military cadet discovers a plot to assassinate the president he must race to stop a deranged Cuban assassin from carrying out his plan against orders from his commanding officer.
I added in the commanding officer as an obstacle to make it even harder for them to run after the assassin.
Hope this helps.
See lessWithout knowing it, two military college cadets stumble upon a plot by deranged Cuban Americans to assassinate the President in retaliation for his normalizing relations with Cuba. It isn?t until minutes before the plan is about to be put into action that the cadets discover what?s happening and race to stop the assassins? plan from succeeding.
Many redundant words in this logline better to reduce the number of adjectives and describe the actions specific to the motivations and obstacles of the MC. Also better to reduce it to one main character than a duo for simplicity sake this will also make it harder for him to succeed on his own. TheRead more
Many redundant words in this logline better to reduce the number of adjectives and describe the actions specific to the motivations and obstacles of the MC. Also better to reduce it to one main character than a duo for simplicity sake this will also make it harder for him to succeed on his own. The cadet buddy can be introduced as an ally during act 2.
My try:
After a military cadet discovers a plot to assassinate the president he must race to stop a deranged Cuban assassin from carrying out his plan against orders from his commanding officer.
I added in the commanding officer as an obstacle to make it even harder for them to run after the assassin.
Hope this helps.
See less