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  1. Posted: November 13, 2014In: Public

    An ambitious and completely unscrupulous young man uses his guts and his guile to become one of the biggest oilmen in Oklahoma. In the end, after years of backstabbing and dirty dealings, he must fight the enemies earned over a lifetime to hang on to his empire.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    I see, in that case unless your planning on an epic rise from dust to power ala' Citizen you know who... Better to focus the logline so it reflects his specific action that make him rich and the obstacle that he had to overcome to achieve it. I would add also that in some ways the rise to power andRead more

    I see, in that case unless your planning on an epic rise from dust to power ala’ Citizen you know who…

    Better to focus the logline so it reflects his specific action that make him rich and the obstacle that he had to overcome to achieve it.

    I would add also that in some ways the rise to power and money has been done many times in many ways. That’s not to say it isn’t a good idea rather I suggest thinking of how can you make it more interesting. Have you considered a woman as the MC then she would have to fight all the same battles a man would only with the added burden of other people’s sexist behaviors.

    This is going to sound a bit “out there” but this is a forum for suggestions of improvement and better to suggest than not I find. How about you give her an impairment such as; being def, having one leg being bi polar, etc…
    The reason is that the external obstacles she or he will face are one layer of difficulty. Whereas the personal disability could add another layer for the MC to struggle with and as a rule of thumb the greater the struggle the sweeter the prize.

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  2. Posted: November 13, 2014In: Public

    An ambitious and completely unscrupulous young man uses his guts and his guile to become one of the biggest oilmen in Oklahoma. In the end, after years of backstabbing and dirty dealings, he must fight the enemies earned over a lifetime to hang on to his empire.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    I see, in that case unless your planning on an epic rise from dust to power ala' Citizen you know who... Better to focus the logline so it reflects his specific action that make him rich and the obstacle that he had to overcome to achieve it. I would add also that in some ways the rise to power andRead more

    I see, in that case unless your planning on an epic rise from dust to power ala’ Citizen you know who…

    Better to focus the logline so it reflects his specific action that make him rich and the obstacle that he had to overcome to achieve it.

    I would add also that in some ways the rise to power and money has been done many times in many ways. That’s not to say it isn’t a good idea rather I suggest thinking of how can you make it more interesting. Have you considered a woman as the MC then she would have to fight all the same battles a man would only with the added burden of other people’s sexist behaviors.

    This is going to sound a bit “out there” but this is a forum for suggestions of improvement and better to suggest than not I find. How about you give her an impairment such as; being def, having one leg being bi polar, etc…
    The reason is that the external obstacles she or he will face are one layer of difficulty. Whereas the personal disability could add another layer for the MC to struggle with and as a rule of thumb the greater the struggle the sweeter the prize.

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    • Share
      Share
      • Share on Facebook
      • Share on Twitter
      • Share on LinkedIn
      • Share on WhatsApp
  3. Posted: November 13, 2014In: Public

    An ambitious and completely unscrupulous young man uses his guts and his guile to become one of the biggest oilmen in Oklahoma. In the end, after years of backstabbing and dirty dealings, he must fight the enemies earned over a lifetime to hang on to his empire.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 13, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    The concept as a whole sounds interesting; the rise and fall of... an epic tail of a man that fights his way up to the top of... Good comments from Gilgamesh I'll add that the main action (most of act 2) of the story is unclear. Is this story about the MC rising to the top of the oil business in OklRead more

    The concept as a whole sounds interesting; the rise and fall of… an epic tail of a man that fights his way up to the top of…

    Good comments from Gilgamesh I’ll add that the main action (most of act 2) of the story is unclear. Is this story about the MC rising to the top of the oil business in Oklahoma? Or is it about him fighting his enemies once there?

    Once these questions are answered you can re draft the logline accordingly to indicate the start and finish of the story.

    Hope this helps.

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