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When masked men enter his home, and his wife is tragically killed in the crossfire, Jack knows his life will never be the same again. His undercover cop career over, he is given a new identity under witness protection and shipped to the middle of nowhere. Battling his guilt he decides to go against his new protection to drew out the killers and gain revenge.
Good advice above additionally I would say better to isolate exactly which event it is that makes him want to take action. In this instance the interesting action would be revenge so the better to choose his wife being killed over his cover being blown. How about: After his wife is killed by a crazeRead more
Good advice above additionally I would say better to isolate exactly which event it is that makes him want to take action. In this instance the interesting action would be revenge so the better to choose his wife being killed over his cover being blown.
How about:
After his wife is killed by a crazed masked man during a home invasion a guilt ridden under cover cop goes after the killer.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen masked men enter his home, and his wife is tragically killed in the crossfire, Jack knows his life will never be the same again. His undercover cop career over, he is given a new identity under witness protection and shipped to the middle of nowhere. Battling his guilt he decides to go against his new protection to drew out the killers and gain revenge.
Good advice above additionally I would say better to isolate exactly which event it is that makes him want to take action. In this instance the interesting action would be revenge so the better to choose his wife being killed over his cover being blown. How about: After his wife is killed by a crazeRead more
Good advice above additionally I would say better to isolate exactly which event it is that makes him want to take action. In this instance the interesting action would be revenge so the better to choose his wife being killed over his cover being blown.
How about:
After his wife is killed by a crazed masked man during a home invasion a guilt ridden under cover cop goes after the killer.
Hope this helps.
See lessfinally a culmination of the book from the pagemaster, bullwinkle the moose, and chip foose have one hell of a time while the stop Dr. Evil from taking over the world once again.
The logline seemed cryptic to me as well, if a reader needs to research the subject matter to understand the character and premise the logline is not achieving what it needs to achieve. I can assume that these are established characters in certain places and therefore the characters and premise woulRead more
The logline seemed cryptic to me as well, if a reader needs to research the subject matter to understand the character and premise the logline is not achieving what it needs to achieve.
I can assume that these are established characters in certain places and therefore the characters and premise would be clear to people who come from these areas.
However if you want the logline to be clear to more readers, perhaps try describing the characters from the point of view of a person that is un aware of the characters origin and back story.
In most loglines names are not used unless critical to the readers understanding, generic character descriptions that are accurate to the specific story at hand are more common.
How would you describe the MC?
The antagonist is obviously Dr Evil.
How would you describe the MC goal? As in how will he or she stop Dr Evil?
I think the answers to these questions will comprise most of the next draft of the logline.
Hope this helps.
See less