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In the final moments before facing the firing squad, the charismatic leader of a murderous robbery gang makes one last request: to have her confession heard by the priest who was once her lover.
As the previous comments have suggested this logline lacks a clear MC and goal. I would add that it is too long and has far to much detail of the setting and events in the story that don't really need to be included in the logline. Really depends on who is the MC that will determine the re structuriRead more
As the previous comments have suggested this logline lacks a clear MC and goal. I would add that it is too long and has far to much detail of the setting and events in the story that don’t really need to be included in the logline.
Really depends on who is the MC that will determine the re structuring of this loglie.
Hope this helps.
See lessAgainst opposition from her family, and his mentor, a graduate from Mongolia and her Russian pen-pal, who are otherwise too poor to go away to school, road-test their courage and their friendship by joining other students and staff to launch their new floating campus aboard the Rainbow Warriors International University
"These students have specific career goals and their classes will be part of their struggle for success." This is the closest I have read on this thread to a tangible goal. What is the main student character's career goal? Make this the MC goal and setting up the university becomes one of the actionRead more
“These students have specific career goals and their classes will be part of their struggle for success.”
This is the closest I have read on this thread to a tangible goal. What is the main student character’s career goal?
Make this the MC goal and setting up the university becomes one of the actions he or she take to achieve this goal.
“Many people, speaking many different languages is a challenge for all involved…” this seams more like a minor obstacle on a social level not an obstacle that will potentially prevent the MC from achieving his or her career goal.
“Adjusting, fitting in…” sounds vague as I can imagine many different ways but none specifically that relate to this logline.
Who can’t adjust or fit in? In what way are they not adjusting or fitting in? And into where are they trying to adjust and fit in? etc…
Seeing as the rainbow warrior aspect of the story has been so often misunderstood here, I think better to change the setting to a more suitable place that won’t confuse the environmental issue with the premise.
I think at this stage better to simplify the concept for the sake of clarity and identify one main character with one tangible goal with one clear obstacle. And have all the rest as a second and maybe a third subplot rather than try and cram all the ideas you have into the one concept.
See lessAgainst opposition from her family, and his mentor, a graduate from Mongolia and her Russian pen-pal, who are otherwise too poor to go away to school, road-test their courage and their friendship by joining other students and staff to launch their new floating campus aboard the Rainbow Warriors International University
"These students have specific career goals and their classes will be part of their struggle for success." This is the closest I have read on this thread to a tangible goal. What is the main student character's career goal? Make this the MC goal and setting up the university becomes one of the actionRead more
“These students have specific career goals and their classes will be part of their struggle for success.”
This is the closest I have read on this thread to a tangible goal. What is the main student character’s career goal?
Make this the MC goal and setting up the university becomes one of the actions he or she take to achieve this goal.
“Many people, speaking many different languages is a challenge for all involved…” this seams more like a minor obstacle on a social level not an obstacle that will potentially prevent the MC from achieving his or her career goal.
“Adjusting, fitting in…” sounds vague as I can imagine many different ways but none specifically that relate to this logline.
Who can’t adjust or fit in? In what way are they not adjusting or fitting in? And into where are they trying to adjust and fit in? etc…
Seeing as the rainbow warrior aspect of the story has been so often misunderstood here, I think better to change the setting to a more suitable place that won’t confuse the environmental issue with the premise.
I think at this stage better to simplify the concept for the sake of clarity and identify one main character with one tangible goal with one clear obstacle. And have all the rest as a second and maybe a third subplot rather than try and cram all the ideas you have into the one concept.
See less